Month: January 2013

Ask no questions. Hear no lies.

Lately, I’ve been annoyed by the constant stream of questions people throw my way.

“What’s been happening? What’re you doing with your Life? Did you sort that issue out? Why’ve you been silent? Who’re you seeing?”

Nothing annoys me more. 

I don’t know if I didn’t notice it growing up or my trust issues have something to do with it but trust that if I get such questions from you, I will not speak to you.

It’s all rather personal.

I get wanting to build a relationship with people but wanting to know everything is some shit.

Who gives a shit what I had for breakfast? 

Ask how my day was if you want, sure, I get that, but why ask everyday?

I feel like a lot of people just want to..consume.

Do you know how much irrelevant information you pick up in a day? Do you even care about half the shit you ask about?

I have one basic question. “You good?” It’s a Yes/No response. If you want to tell me things, do so. If not, I’m not bothered.

People read your blog, follow you on Twitter, have you on Whatsapp, are your Facebook friends and Twitter followers and still are nothing more than acquaintances. And that’s alright.

You see my constant stream of thoughts and you STILL want more?

“Give them an inch, they take a mile.”

Well I have nothing for you.

I said recently, If I don’t willingly offer the information, don’t ask me. I don’t want you to know. 

I know it may seem a bit odd..Like some bullshit, that I’d blog about wanting privacy..Well, respect..of personal space. But fuck it. 

I don’t know you. You don’t know me and you don’t really have to, not how you’d like.

And that’s alright.

I swear it is. 

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Pro Choice = Anti Life? Bitch, please.

I feel a certain way about being told what to do with my vagina.

I feel a certain way about people imposing their beliefs on me.

I feel a certain way about being judged for making a decision based on what I know and feel.

I feel a certain way about abortion, Life, choice, rights and the government.

While having a conversation with a friend she told me that there’re places that use Dettol antiseptic liquid for abortions. As in, they basically pour that into your vagina and wait for the rest to happen. I know of people who drink water boiled with 5 thebes for this too. Some women use coat hangers, others drink poison. It’s all just a fucking mess.

Now,I’m from Botswana, and here abortion is illegal.  People bring up such issues as It being murder, it being immoral. It’s a child.. If you didn’t want the baby you shouldn’t have had sex..Oh so what if you’re dirt broke and won’t be able to support it? Bring it into the world. So what if you were raped and will possibly hate the child? Bring it into the world.

Because all humans have rights, including those who haven’t seen the light of day, except for women who want to decide what to do with their bodies and their lives.

Listen.

Sex gets messy. Life gets messy. Sometimes, you end up in situations you didn’t bargain for.  We know this.

You believe Life begins the moment the sperm fertilizes the egg, someone else believes it’s when the limbs form and another, when the child is born. We do not think alike, but many are on a bid for us to.

Now, I don’t have an issue with us viewing things differently. I have an issue with people forcing others to be like them and not respecting the fact that they have the right to make their own decisions, as seems to be the norm.

You don’t know nor understand WHY these ladies do as they do. And you don’t seem to understand that in fact, no, abortion is not a luxury. It’s not cute. It’s not like deciding to blow your nose. These women know there’s a baby inside them, a life growing, and choosing to terminate that for whatever reason is NEVER an easy decision to make.

Don’t you think there’s shame at some point,maybe? Indecision? Fear? Guilt?

I think a lot of people throw their judgement around because they think other people lack a conscience. No. We have consciences just as we have rational thoughts and emotions. And you..you are a bunch of cows really.

Being a “Christian” country I assume it’s illegal here for the above stated reasons. Hypocritical leaders are a problem. I promise you, it’s not that THEY don’t get their lovers to abort the children they make, they do..It’s just that making it okay here would anger the people and despite the fact that we know the people never really have a say in shit at the end of the day, we don’t make it happen.

I don’t understand why, to appear morally correct and “fair” to society, you want others to bring children into this world who may be unwanted, may grow up to be abused and will probably lack the things other kids have [affection, resources,etc].

Why force someone to care for something they view as an inconvenience?  You know how people react in situations they don’t like..Plus, in an overpopulated world anyway, where people are starving and shit is just all kinds of fucked u…just, why?

People don’t think. Nor do they respect those who do.

It’s fucked up that a group of people who are only a fraction of our population get to tell us how to live and we think they’re superior to us.

It’s fucked up that there are women dying because a few still wanna hold on to their “morality”.

And the judgement..Is stupid.

The situation is sad.

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How Hard 2: The Seduction Of Submission

Some women feel the need to provide for the men in their lives.
To cater to his every need and ensure his content, joy.. To please.
I have always been this kind of woman.

If you are the man I consider special,the one I value and hold  in high esteem, I will always see to it that you’re satisfied in every way and I will seek to fulfill all your desires. I do whatever is in my realm of capabilities to make sure you are happy.
It’s how I’ve always been in relationships and it is how I think I will always be.

When it comes to my interactions with the men I’m with, I am rather traditional. I believe the man I’m with should be a pillar of strength. A provider. My safe place, my stability, my joy and my comfort. If he is all of this to me,  I’ll be all I am for him. I’ll be his.

Submission was a foreign concept to me, as BDSM was at some point. Honestly, a part of me felt I was a tad bit backward for feeling the need to provide for and belong to a man as I did.

While doing research for an article I was working on about the BDSM world and the  misconceptions people have of it, I stumbled upon accounts and diary entries of submissives. While reading them I realized, this was the kind of Woman I was drawn to being.

Submission had been a threatening idea because I felt I’d be relinquishing my rights to myself. Was I selling out? Would I be his slave? Why did I feel the need to be in such a set up? There were more questions than answers and the only answer that kept coming up was “It just IS what I want. It’s what feels right.”

I thought about it, kept on reading and came to the conclusion that in actual fact, this was another step to discovering who I am as a lover, partner and a woman.

There was no shame in the fact that I wanted to be owned by my partner. Therein lay my comfort. Knowing that there was someone who could be strong for you, who knew you in ways none other did and who you trusted enough to give all of yourself to.

I understand why some people think submissive women are weak. I used to. But,this is the life we feel comfortable living.

The relationship between a Dom [Dominant] and his sub [submissive] is not one that could be easily explained to an outsider. The level of intimacy shared is one I honestly think most relationships lack. You trust someone with all of you and trust them to have your best interests at hearts, without fail.

Thankfully while I was learning and accepting this side of myself I had a partner who was understanding and accepting. He was open to this and had his fair share of kinks and pleasures he liked to indulge [in].

He became my Sir. It wasn’t awkward. It wasnt forced.  We already had such a relationship to begin with but discussing it made it easier for both of us and our relationship [and sex life]  became better because of it.

When it comes to BDSM sex and being a sub, honey, the pleasures are both thrilling and occasionally terrifying. The right Dom will
push you out of your comfort zone and push into you in ways no other will be able to top. For me, its been one long enlightening and enriching experience.

Provided your Dom treats you as the Queen you are,[as some people will pretend to be such only to prey on and use females] as his sub, even if the relationship ends, there will always be a level of intimacy, a bond.

Your Dom/Sir/Master will know you in ways no other person will,and that’s one thing I appreciate and probably eternally will. The trust, the intimacy, knowing you have someone who really knows you.

Submission however, is kept for those who understand it, and who I can see a future with. So far, there’s only been one such man. And to this day those around me still don’t understand how we work.

Its been a rough,bumpy ride [the only kind I prefer really] but I can honestly say I know what kind of Lady/Freak I am. And you,love?
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Minute Men

“Women lie. Men lie. Numbers don’t lie.” This may have been thought up with Business in mind but if experience has taught me anything, it’s that the same rule applies when it comes to sex.

We lie. Whether it’s about penis measurements, cup sizes or how long we can last in the sack, we lie.

I understand. You don’t want to seem inadequate. You want her to think you’re the best package there is out there, make her want, need, to be with you, to have you just once, so you add a bit here,omit a bit there and Voila, she’s down to fuck. Like a Peacock you fluff out your feathers and prance about like you’re the biggest cock there is, [Pun intended], giving her sleepless nights as she spends hours experiencing every move she hopes you’ll deliver, in her head. You’re her Mandingo,her James Deen,her Prince Charming from the Nasty side of the tracks.

And then the time comes. You get her slightly tipsy,hoping this will shield the blow that you’re about to deliver, or rather attempt to, and fail at. There’s kissing, there’s groping, breathless moans and tugging at clothes, you SHOULD be turned on, and maybe you are, but nothing stirs, and all too familiar feeling that doesn’t get any easier to handle. Her hands on you do nothing,and you kind of forgot to mention that you really aren’t THAT well endowed actually. You’re just an average guy. The guilt, mixed with the anger at the constant disappointment Little Man shoves your way and the desire that won’t show become all too much and as you try to push it all aside, she discovers your naked secret.
Her face registers a mixture of shock and disappointment that you’ve seen enough times that you’d catch it from a Mile away, flashing for a nano second. The fact that It’s flaccid doesn’t help. And then you start fumbling through an excuse about how this doesn’t happen all the time and you’re probably just too drunk and you’re Sorry. She could try and get it up if she wants to, or you could postpone..The same old routine.

Some men are Minute Men,and some men just can’t maintain an erection. They don’t speak about it. They probably can’t even admit it to themselves, but that’s how things are. This is not a once every six months Whiskey Dick situation.  He cannot get it up,and Ladies, if you find yourself in such a situation, there really is one way I prefer to diffuse the awkwardness. Be compassionate.

It’s quite easy to be an asshole in such a situation. You haven’t had your orgasm yet, it doesn’t seem like you will. He was dishonest, he led you on. You go from shocked, to angry. But I tend to look at it this way, yes, he may have lied, but Sex is one of those we all wanna be good at. You would lie too.

Given the situation,if you had issues with getting aroused and ready, I doubt you would be willing to put that out there. Denial would be your best Defense. Try and be understanding, and leave the rest for later.

Now I’ve come to find of the men who have this issue,there are two kinds: The Angry Macho types, and the Soft, understanding ones.

The angry,macho types are mad at their penises. How dare it not represent him to his satisfaction? He is a Man. He should be getting ass. He deserves it. How dare it? Also, his guilt and self consciousness kick in and he gets angry at all the other men out there. Thrusting to their hearts content. He cannot believe that it’s him. It can’t be. It’s probably you. Yes, every female he meets sucks. And then he might muster enough of an erection to thrust thrice into you,subsequently relieving his anger and all that he felt, and convincing himself he showed you who’s actually Boss.

The soft understanding ones know how things are,have accepted it,and are saddened by the situation. He feels as if he’s not man enough to deliver. His sex life is shrouded in Shame and therefore, he cannot enjoy it. He bares himself to females, hopeful and careful. He would like to please you, but he can’t, so he lets go of things and hopes. For it to go away,for someone to understand,for SOMETHING to happen that’ll make it all better.

I’ve encountered both types of men and will state this. He who seeks understanding will get it. Those who insist on crushing you with their rib cage for about the same amount of time as an interlude lasts, then act like you ain’t shit, get no love.

As someone who has a few sexual insecurities herself I understand the importance of sex being an enriching experience. It’s scary enough baring your Self to someone, baring yourself to someone and having it be a complete disaster is some BS.

So on the matter of Minute Men,I say we try. Communication goes a long way. One might just be nervous, or have issues of inadequacy. Often times you’ll find talking about why things are that they are will get someone to loosen up around you, trust you, and try harder to give.

I figure a bit of time spent cultivating a relationship,[even if it’s one that’ll bloom for a short while and then die],building trust and intimacy,thus leading to better sex,is worth it.

People WILL lie. But as long as we understand Why,we’re free to make the most out of situations despite how things began. Hey,all men can’t be [Insert Favourite Male porn star here] and we can’t all be Jada Fire or Skin Diamond or Rihanna. We don’t always ooze Sex Appeal and shit either ladies. So if we want to experience the Beauty that comes with sex,after the lies and and the self consciousness,we work on it. It’s simple as that. You don’t have to marry him, you don’t even have to see him again, but the whole idea is to make every sexual experience as awesome as possible.

So screw it,the next time you’re faced with a not so enthusiastic member, rather think of it as an opportunity to play and discover new things. Your one minute man who’s been nervous and a tad bit ashamed could end up giving you the best bedding of your life.

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Stop being an Asshole

I detest being told how to feel, on anything.

I’m the kind of person to cry in the middle of the mall if I feel like it, or laugh like a carefree loose woman during a church service.

At any point in time, I am deep within my Self and feeling all of it.

I recently went through [Am currently going through] some shit and what I realized was people try their hardest to stifle their emotions and expect you to do the same.

“Don’t cry…Deal with it..It’ll pass..You should forgive yourself for this..” 

I’ve decided to detest all who’ve said these words to me.

I don’t believe people should comment on experiences they don’t understand. You don’t have shit to say.

When a woman loses her child, regardless of whether she knew she was expecting it or not, you have no right to tell her to “Just get over it and keep moving..It’ll pass.” Fuck you.

In fact, any traumatic experience should not be met with indifference.

I understand if people are uncomfortable with dealing with other people’s feelings. I do.  Personally when people cry in front of me or breakdown, it makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I would never stop them from doing it because of how I feel. It’s not my time. 

When someone attempts suicide and survives, the last thing they wanna hear is “You shouldn’t have done that..You’ll be fine. Why don’t you talk to us about it?” Do you understand that this person was on the brink of ending their lives? They went that far because they were fairly sure of it. Do you understand what it’s like to reach a point where nothing matters? Not even those you care about? And now you want them to “discuss” it? For them to bond with you? How do you expect them to verbalize it?  Suicide is not something  you decide on over night. It’s taken someone a while to get to that point and you think because YOU now noticed that there’s an issue things’ll change? Fuck you.

Nobody’s asking for sympathy. If it was desired, that would be stated. 

I’m saying : Stop being an asshole.

If you do not understand someone’s struggle and are unable to sympathize, say nothing.  Your 2 cents is worthless to someone in pain.

Your opinion on how things SHOULD be doesn’t mean shit.

People are hurting.  In ways that you couldn’t fathom.

Why must they deal with their pain AND your insensitivity coupled with your stupidity?

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Why I’ll never tell my kids to Obey..

“The Bible says you must honour, respect and obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you with many more years..”

Evidently this Lady had gone temporarily deaf when I told her that I am not Christian and did not choose the Bible as a manual on How To Live. No, she hadn’t heard that so I repeated it and she told me one day I’d find God. Like I needed him and my Life is a complete mess. 

But that’s not what got me in a frenzy..

It was the “…obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you..”.

My immediate thought was “Do you know how much damage obeying has done to people? Kids? Society?” I understood why she said what she did. Obeying and following are all she herself knows..But how she could say that with a straight face knowing full and well that we live in the kind of society where people constantly take advantage of the malleable was beyond me.I thought she was ignorant for that. How can you still be telling kids to blindly follow knowing full and well there are more than enough people seeking to harm them?

I made a choice a while ago to never teach my kids that they have to obey anything that doesn’t resonate with their Spirit. To trust their gut instinct whether that means not getting in a car with an aunt or not writing that composition piece in the class with a bullshit title.

I decided I’d rather have a child that makes others uncomfortable because they aren’t easily influenced, and know themselves, are confident within themselves, than another one of the picture perfect kids. 

This was some time after I got tired of hearing the kids with the tragic stories and their reason for ending up in these situations being “He was older and I was scared” or “..Because I was told to.”

The servile walk into Misery and don’t even KNOW they’re there. Why bring my child into the world only to prepare them to be a victim?

I’m saying this with no child to hold..So maybe it’ll be different when I do..

But I doubt it.

Do you understand you’re teaching your child “You have no say in anything and don’t think you do because you are small..There will always be someone better than, bigger than, smarter than you..and you should remain beneath them because there is where your place lies?”

How is that even okay?

I can’t.

Anything that teaches you to NOT be proud of yourself, NOT take responsibility and NOT do as you feel, I’m against. 

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What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, and even YOU are mine

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it…” – Oscar Wilde

 

My friends think I’m anti monogamy.  This could be true. Just a little. I respect people enough to have them make their own decisions, I would just like them to know why they choose to live as they do.

I’ve only seen a handful of happy monogamous relationships. The people I know who are in them are either cheating, miserable or uninterested. It’s all a front. People stay together to be able to say “We’ve been together for 4 years” or because they look good together, sometimes for the simple fact that they don’t want to have to explain why the relationship didn’t work out.

They enter into relationships, but the relationship itself is never about them.

Do you really want to be with one person? Exclusively? 

Chances are,No. You don’t. How many people do you see in a day who you’re attracted to? How many people do you know who you wonder about? Plenty. And the more you realize you are, in a sense, locked up, the easier it will be to begin to resent your partner. Because  as far as you’re concerned, they’re keeping you from all the shit you could be experiencing, and nobody likes to feel stifled.

Most people consider open relationships taboo. Partly because we’ve been led to believe that Love means Ownership. We think that by being in a open/polyamorous relationship, we’re selling ourselves short and fear we in fact will not get the love and attention we deserve. The idea of having more than one partner is appealing when it comes to sexual matters, and even then, only in fantasies, but the idea of a romance is outlandish. Because a person can’t care about more than one person in that way now can they? Can they? And if so, should they?

Why are you in a monogamous relationship? Because you’ve been led to believe that’s the simplest, purest way to show affection for another human being? Self sacrifice? What makes you say “I’m going to ignore all my desires and settle down with you because that’s the right thing to do”?

Says who?

Polygamy and polyamory date back to ancient times. Before intimacy was shameful. Before people began wanting to “Live right” and be possessive. Before we were told God wants us to only have one partner.

Because people don’t communicate in fear of hurting other people, they end up miserable.  The very mention of other people will bring about feelings of inadequacy and tempers are likely to flare. It will be a case of “What? Aren’t I good enough?” as people forget they have their own desires they want to, and are being given the opportunity to explore.  “What will people say? It will look like I can’t handle my relationship”. Meh. 

Your relationship becomes jail and every anniversary a reminder of the sentence you’re serving as So and So’s partner.

I know a lot of people who cheat. It’s not that they don’t care about their partners. They love and respect them. They’re just unable to communicate the fact that they would like to not be exclusive, or  have stated this and got negative reactions.

People are miserable in their “Love”.  Because we’re out here policing other people’s genitals and being insecure and  misunderstanding. I find it amusing when you meet people who are open minded in every aspect of their lives but that one. It’s as if the World can be a part of, and alter, everything else in their lives, but that.

As far as I’m concerned, Love has no boundaries. Not when it comes to who you love, nor when, nor how.  But it took me a while to get to that way of thinking too, so maybe someday soon people will realize.

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Between Legs and Hearts

I wrote the following piece a while ago and it was previously published on a friend’s blog, KlarOnyx , but I felt the need to bring it here as it is quite personal for me. If you haven’t seen it yet, I hope you enjoy it.

“..And I believe that marriage isn’t between a man and woman, but between Love and Love.”

–Frank Ocean
The average Black child is raised in a Christian household. Men are bread winners, providers, protectors, to those lucky enough to have fathers. Mothers are obedient care givers and children, well they try their level best to not be a disgrace, to not provide any reason for the neighbors to cast eyes in the family’s direction. For the most part we play our parts well.
Except during our teenage years when we discover freedom of speech and the fact that we have rights and once the pubic hair appears and the breasts bloom, we think we’re ready to take on the world.  We learn ourselves.  We learn of other people.  We discover the differences and similarities between us. We discover love, pain, the weight of choices and the terror and beauty of change.
Growing up, I never thought of Love as caged, or controlled.  People loved each other. That’s all I knew.  I was never concerned with whether it was a man loving woman or a woman loving another woman. If it pleased them, I could see no reason why they shouldn’t do it.  I was raised in a household with both parents. The majority of relationships around me were heterosexual, but it was never something I paid any real attention to.
I don’t know when I began to acknowledge homosexuality. The earliest memory I have connected to it was of my cousin, who was a zealous Christian, explaining to me that Sodom and Gommorah were burnt down because people did “bad things” there. Ever the inquisitive  creature, I pestered her til she told me that Men laid with men as they did women. I wasn’t horrified. I wasn’t in the least bit concerned. I did not see the “evil” in their type of affection.
Homosexuality is illegal in most countries in Africa, approximately 38. Many claim it is “unnatural”,”UnAfrican”, some go the extent as to claim it’s “Evil.” When this issue was brought up the other day on Twitter, Tumi Molekane coolly asked someone who shared these sentiments “Were you born straight?”
I have a few issues. First of all, I don’t understand why Love has to be regulated. Why we feel the need to have a say in what happens between consenting adults, something that has nothing to do with us, Love that hurts nobody is beyond me.  I’ve decided it could be because people already subconsciously feel powerless in society as is. They cannot live as they please, therefore looking down upon and judging others, those who do, is the next best thing. Also, divide and conquer works wonders. It would be easier for Governments to do as they please while we’re still busy caring about who’s sleeping with and loving who.
I understand that as people tend to fear what we don’t understand and hate may stem from that fear. The majority of people around are straight, and we respect that, but left to their own devices with no judgement, would they be? Nobody really knows why we’re straight as nobody knows why some are gay. Being straight serves a purpose when it comes to procreation, yes, but other than that, what is there? I am not religious, therefore quoting the Bible to me when it comes to such matters is non sensical. First of all, Christianity is a foreign doctrine, brought to us by the same people who stole our land, spiritually broke our forefathers and raped their women. Let’s be logical for a bit. If you were seeking to take something from someone, wouldn’t it be easier to tell them the Man In The Sky wants him to NOT seek revenge and turn the other cheek? That he wants us to suffer on Earth? You’d know he wouldn’t react to whatever you did to him from there. But anyway, that’s neither here nor there. My point is, telling me things  like “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” renders you an Idiot in my eyes. The Bible has also been used  in arguments to make slavery, racism and abuse of women seem acceptable. So miss me with that.
In life, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting all kinds of people. Straight people. Gay people. Bisexual people. Closeted homosexuals. And even a few Asexual people. I’ve judged them all based on their character as people. I thankfully know that I have no right to call another “disgusting.” In my books, if you are not purposefully harming anyone, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll have an issue with you. I have also met homophobic people, heard all their arguments, met men who hate homosexuals yet love lesbians, lesbians who hate straight men and people who just want to be loved regardless of who provides the affection.
Straight people are blind to how privileged they are in Society. They get to marry, they get to love freely, they get to BE, to exist as they please for the most part.  No one questions this. No one gives them awkward side glances, no one calls them names or judges them. They have not lost friends due to their sexual orientation, they do not live with a constant fear of being a victim to hate crimes. They are not ignored by their relatives. NOBODY makes them feel ASHAMED for being as they are. No one.
I know a man. He adores me. I cannot put in words how secure I feel in his adoration. He is my pillar of strength, my teacher in Life, a constant companion. He has seen me at my lowest in Life, and loved the pain and doubt away. He has shared my bed, my tears, my food, my Life. He is gay and has been for all his life. And I love him with all that I am. Because I have not closed my mind to certain things, I have received the purest form of love there is. Selfless love. I have watched boys come and go in my Life. Many at some point I would’ve died for. But He is the one I would gladly live for. And do. Many people will never know what I’m talking about.
I can only try to explain to you what it’s like to love somebody society chooses not to. I have seem him broken down over comments from people who have no idea what his name even is. I have seen his fear and heard the comments. Seen the looks. Felt the judgement. He moved away and there were nights when I couldn’t sleep because he’d gone out and I was afraid for his life. We have loved each other fiercely, through all this and more. And I have stated many a time that I would marry him, and remain happy forever, than be with someone who doesn’t appreciate me. I have not bought into the idea that marriage should be a chore as it seems to be for most, excuse me.
I understand  the intricacies of the human heart too well to believe being gay is a sin, or wrong. I believe in Love too much for me to look upon forms of it as disgraceful.
With that having been said, I have met a Woman. And my heart adores her. I have not questioned my Heart, I have felt, willingly. Because I have never been one to put titles on myself and live by them. I feel no need to. I Love, and whether it be a man or woman is irrelevant to me. Has it been easy to accept this? For me, yes. I am happy. Others..? Not so much. I find men look upon love between two women as something sexual and not emotional, not spiritual. I guess they think the same of gay men too. It’s easier to assume homosexuality is just..sexual. And I think, straight people think so because they have no idea what any other type of love other than Eros [Erotic] love feels like. I also think this is a damn shame.
I did not write this in order to change the world. It probably won’t. People don’t read nor feel anymore. I just give you my thoughts and feelings and hope.. Hope that maybe you know you might be wrong. Hope you might change the way you think. Hope you might know love is more than anything we could ever understand.
In the words of Frank Ocean yet again, “..I’m starting to think we’re alot alike. Human Beings spinning on Blackness. All wanting to be seen, heard, paid attention to.”

I understand why you’re a slut, boo..

I wonder when the average woman realizes that she owns her vagina.

That her virginity isn’t something for her parents to brag about.

Nor her pussy grip something for her lover to tell his friends about.

That her body count, whether it be 4 or 90, won’t really change the World.

And her “purity” is not determined by her genitalia nor can it be measured by a priest and guarantee passage into Heaven.

There was a point in time [I’m lying, it’s still ongoing] when I was constantly referred to as a whore. See I didn’t  understand why though. I knew all the people I slept with, and I knew why I had, so I didn’t understand how an outside party could brand me such without sufficient information on why, how and when it happened.

While discussing this with a male friend, he asked me “Do you sleep with all the people you want to though?”, I responded in the affirmative, to which he said “Well then you’re good. Fuck ’em. You need to understand, most people are too afraid to do that cos they either think they’ll be rejected or they’re afraid of being judged. As long as you’re getting yours, they’ll stay mad. Accept it.”

It was food for thought. Are we considered whores for the sole reason that we feel free to do what we please with our vagina?

Are you a slut because you fucked the whole clique and actually enjoyed it?

Are you a skank because you cum, boo?

Now, men tend to put it this way “I can’t fuck with her cos everyone’s had a turn and I’m not about that.” But, why is it that even if a female is notorious for her sexual acts, she STILL continues to fuck whomever she wants? Including the self righteous men who want “Pure” women. Men naturally always wanna be conquerors and pioneers and shit..Is that why they want virgins? To be able to say “I broke her”? Then feel Big cos you think she’ll remember you forever and you would’ve changed her Life?

If no one had led you to believe an autonomous woman is undesirable, would you still deny yourself pleasure?

The arguments made are ridiculous really.

“Her pussy is probably loose..Besides what will my hommies say? Nah..What if that bitch has like..a disease or some shit? I ain’t bout it.”

Now..loose pussy. I personally don’t understand how this is still a thing since kegels exist. But if it still is..Well. *shrugs* But honey, have you yourself considered the fact that maybe you aren’t well endowed? I don’t know. Just maybe.

If one is still worried about what their friends will say when it comes to those they choose to lay with, maybe they shouldn’t be laying with anyone at all. Evidently mental maturity is lacking and you are unable to make decisions so, don’t. As for diseases. Why assume that she is reckless? Because in YOUR mind she ain’t shit, you believe SHE thinks she ain’t shit?Honey,no.

Women need to understand that a man who is ashamed of you doing as you please doesn’t really respect nor trust your ability to make your own decisions and trust yourself.

So why fuck [with] them though?

Your clitoris should be your best friend.

Sex shaming is unfortunately rife and people have no issue being closed minded, self righteous ad sometimes, just downright dumb.

To Quote Kid Cudi “In the end they’ll judge me anyway, so, whatever..”, So, to quote The Weeknd “Girl take pride in what you wanna do, even if that means a new man every night inside of you..”

Would you rather be sexually frustrated and sad because idiots judge you cos of what you do with YOUR body, or enjoying orgasms and comfortable with, proud of, the decisions you make regarding your Self?

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