Day: January 9, 2013

That Pink Matter

Something’s been on my mind for a while now..The Vagina.  I’ve watched mine change since I started having sex and realized,nobody ever discusses the fact that as you grow,and begin to have sex,it changes.

One would be prepared for the internal changes, they are expected,but when your labia begins to elongate,or you watch porn and begin to wonder whether your clit is the right size,these are issues we simply don’t know how to deal with. Who do you discuss this with? It’s one thing to feel fat and talk weight gain with your girls, or breast size, stretch marks, but our vagina is always a taboo topic,and uncomfortable to bring up no  matter how close you are with someone.

For a while I had to wonder,what does the average vagina look like?Is the porn vag [small clit,hairless, nonexistent inner labia] a true depiction of what IS?Or what should be? Is mine normal and if not,what to do about it. I took some time and did some research on the idea of “The Perfect Vagina” and thankfully stumbled upon a documentary that hit the spot,so to speak.

Women across the board are getting surgery just to feel like they have a “normal” vagina. This includes labiaplasty, vaginal muscle tightening, having fat transferred to or from the labia and reducing the size of one’s clit. Now,as insecure as I might be at any point about my Lady,I doubt I  would. I understand though.

Your vagina is the one thing you want to own and adore. That is what defines your womanhood, for many. It is your pride and glory and once you think that that one part of your body,the one that is really YOURS and not on display,may be imperfect,it could crush you. Insecurity ruins one’s sex life. Many women I know have sex in the dark to hide their bodies and even with the lights off,can’t enjoy it because they KNOW why the lights are off. Now with Vaginal Insecurity, even the basics become a chore, if not a little slice of Hell. You think “What if he fingers me and he doesn’t like it?He can’t go down on me, I’m ugly down there..” and eventually,once you’ve crushed yourself enough,sex becomes a threat more than a promise. You begin to resent your vagina because it is not pretty. The same way you might dislike your hips because they’re too wide or your hair because it’s too curly and your vagina becomes another bodily burden. This is the pressure to be perfect and I’m afraid it’s seeped down to our Holy Ground.

I have to wonder,who are we trying to obtain the Perfect Vagina for? Us? If there was nothing to compare it to,would we be all that bothered? Is it for men,for them to find us attractive? To please them and become their perfect porn star?

I asked my male friends and only three of them stated they did NOT, in fact, believe the Perfect Vag existed. The rest? Their description was basically that of a virginal vagina. Understandable I guess because Virgins are thought to be ‘Pure’ and women are always expected to be. But I fear if we DON’T in actual fact discuss this,we will turn against the one thing that the media hasn’t had of ours to drag through the mud yet.

Dr Matlock,a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who is the Go To Guy when it comes to vaginal rejuvenation surgery was quoted in a magazine article as saying women should all aspire to have the perfect [virginal] vagina. This is a man,with a penis,telling US what we should feel and do with ourselves. I was outraged. But then I had to stop and think,they’ve made us believe what our breasts and asses should look like,what made me think our pussies weren’t up next on the list?

Since then I’ve had quite a few sit downs with female friends and have discovered,these are thoughts many women have,we just never discuss it. “I think I have an ugly vagina” is not easy to spew out and so many of us suffer in silence.

It’s a damn shame and I hope once women actually wake up and begin to actually bother loving themselves fiercely through all this bullshit,we’ll be okay. We’ll be happy.


A Real Issue

“A real woman has curves”.
“A real woman never lets her man leave the house hungry or horny.”
“A real woman always puts others first.”
A “real woman” is something that I , as a woman, find hard to define, so who is attempting to? And failing dismally while at it.
TheFreeDictionary.Com has several definitions for the word “Woman”, some of which include:
wom·an (wmn)
n. pl. wom·en (wmn)
1. An adult female human.
2. An adult female human belonging to a specified occupation, group, nationality, or other category. Often used in combination: an Englishwoman; congresswoman; a saleswoman.
3. Feminine quality or aspect; womanliness.
4. A female servant or subordinate.
5. Informal
a. A wife.
b. A female lover or sweetheart.

I have to wonder, which definition are we attaching “real” to? The first one? The second?
To me,it seems the Fourth. A real female servant or subordinate because let’s face it, we live in a misogynistic, patriotic world. And from the quotes above, doesn’t it seem like we’re merely preparing these “real” women to be the ideal servants?

While writing this I had to ask,what makes a Woman? We could be biological and say XX Chromosomes. We could say “The acceptance, cultivation and use of overly feminine character traits/qualities”, but would that even begin to graze what it is that really makes a Woman? Can it be defined? I find myself stepping out of the regular mold  of puberty making every girl a woman, and wonder on the men who feel trapped in their bodies, the transgender community and realize  beginning to even attempt to say what a Woman is is firstly downright rude,and second, possibly impossible.

I tried none the less and what I could come up with was this: “Strength”. And as with anything or anyone that is considered ‘Real’,the strength to be as one REALLY is, as is in one’s nature to Be.

It is degrading to attempt to box in Femininity to such an extent as to define what is “Real” and what isn’t. As there have been women who’ve nurtured and taught, the Winnie Mandelas and Mother Theresas and Joy Phomaphis, there have been women who’ve conquered and blazed new frontiers  the Joan of Arcs and Ellen Johnson Sirleafs and Unity Dows. None has made a lesser contribution in their respective fields because of their body shape, or been seen as a failure because they were not there for every meal at the dinner table.

We must ask, is there anyone out there who is of the mind that “A real man is skinny”, or “a real man never lets his wife leave the house tired and horny” or “a real man sacrifices himself for those around him”?I think not, and in the event that they do exist, their number compared to those who believe in these “Real women” traits would be a mere fraction.

I find myself questioning whether Misandry is the only way to counter Misogyny. Understanding between the two sexes seems to be a far fetched pipe dream considering how things are at the current moment. Women are becoming more vocal and their disgust at how we’ve been treated and portrayed is evident. Women such as Kola Boof,Egyptian/Sudanese-American Bestselling novelist, poet, television writer and author of THE SEXY PART OF THE BIBLE are quite vocal about how they feel regarding how the Media portrays the female,more specifically,the Black woman and I find that women who speak out against such injustices are labelled loud, crass,unruly and bitches. The majority of men view Feminist views as silly, unnecessary, and the condescending ones find us standing up for our rights as “cute.”

Martin Luther King stated “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”. Now don’t you find that breaking down the internal make up of females and making them feel inadequate as they already are is really a diversion off other matters? Most men and their need to be Superior seems to be the issue here. Women must be pretty trophies and leading them to insecurity makes this easier. It could also be other women perpetuating this way of thought because it’s what they know and they too would like to feel like “better” females. Either way, neither is winning as far as I’m concerned.

It is senseless to try to say what a Real Woman does, looks like and believes. People have been around long enough for us know we cannot DEFINE,as much as we try. Unfortunately,as much as we’ve evolved physically, intellectually many are still stuck in the stone ages with their beliefs. No group of people is Less than any other. Not Blacks, not women, not homosexuals, not blondes, not the lady with an A cup bra size. We remain separate but equal. But few know this, and even fewer seem to believe it.