“A real woman has curves”.
“A real woman never lets her man leave the house hungry or horny.”
“A real woman always puts others first.”
A “real woman” is something that I , as a woman, find hard to define, so who is attempting to? And failing dismally while at it.
TheFreeDictionary.Com has several definitions for the word “Woman”, some of which include:
n. pl. wom·en (wmn)
1. An adult female human.
2. An adult female human belonging to a specified occupation, group, nationality, or other category. Often used in combination: an Englishwoman; congresswoman; a saleswoman.
3. Feminine quality or aspect; womanliness.
4. A female servant or subordinate.
a. A wife.
b. A female lover or sweetheart.
I have to wonder, which definition are we attaching “real” to? The first one? The second?
To me,it seems the Fourth. A real female servant or subordinate because let’s face it, we live in a misogynistic, patriotic world. And from the quotes above, doesn’t it seem like we’re merely preparing these “real” women to be the ideal servants?
While writing this I had to ask,what makes a Woman? We could be biological and say XX Chromosomes. We could say “The acceptance, cultivation and use of overly feminine character traits/qualities”, but would that even begin to graze what it is that really makes a Woman? Can it be defined? I find myself stepping out of the regular mold of puberty making every girl a woman, and wonder on the men who feel trapped in their bodies, the transgender community and realize beginning to even attempt to say what a Woman is is firstly downright rude,and second, possibly impossible.
I tried none the less and what I could come up with was this: “Strength”. And as with anything or anyone that is considered ‘Real’,the strength to be as one REALLY is, as is in one’s nature to Be.
It is degrading to attempt to box in Femininity to such an extent as to define what is “Real” and what isn’t. As there have been women who’ve nurtured and taught, the Winnie Mandelas and Mother Theresas and Joy Phomaphis, there have been women who’ve conquered and blazed new frontiers the Joan of Arcs and Ellen Johnson Sirleafs and Unity Dows. None has made a lesser contribution in their respective fields because of their body shape, or been seen as a failure because they were not there for every meal at the dinner table.
We must ask, is there anyone out there who is of the mind that “A real man is skinny”, or “a real man never lets his wife leave the house tired and horny” or “a real man sacrifices himself for those around him”?I think not, and in the event that they do exist, their number compared to those who believe in these “Real women” traits would be a mere fraction.
I find myself questioning whether Misandry is the only way to counter Misogyny. Understanding between the two sexes seems to be a far fetched pipe dream considering how things are at the current moment. Women are becoming more vocal and their disgust at how we’ve been treated and portrayed is evident. Women such as Kola Boof,Egyptian/Sudanese-American Bestselling novelist, poet, television writer and author of THE SEXY PART OF THE BIBLE are quite vocal about how they feel regarding how the Media portrays the female,more specifically,the Black woman and I find that women who speak out against such injustices are labelled loud, crass,unruly and bitches. The majority of men view Feminist views as silly, unnecessary, and the condescending ones find us standing up for our rights as “cute.”
Martin Luther King stated “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”. Now don’t you find that breaking down the internal make up of females and making them feel inadequate as they already are is really a diversion off other matters? Most men and their need to be Superior seems to be the issue here. Women must be pretty trophies and leading them to insecurity makes this easier. It could also be other women perpetuating this way of thought because it’s what they know and they too would like to feel like “better” females. Either way, neither is winning as far as I’m concerned.
It is senseless to try to say what a Real Woman does, looks like and believes. People have been around long enough for us know we cannot DEFINE,as much as we try. Unfortunately,as much as we’ve evolved physically, intellectually many are still stuck in the stone ages with their beliefs. No group of people is Less than any other. Not Blacks, not women, not homosexuals, not blondes, not the lady with an A cup bra size. We remain separate but equal. But few know this, and even fewer seem to believe it.