“We accept the Love we think we deserve” <—— Some cliche shit that makes the utmost sense.
It’s been said a woman will almost always go for the man who reminds her of her father,and I assume the Ladies who grew up fatherless because Daddy just couldn’t be bothered will at some point seek out and adore the Rolling Stone. She will want to love him and tie him down in order to prove that maybe,fuck,maybe Daddy would have stayed if Mommy tried hard enough.
To my friends who assume their lives would be better if their good-for-nothing fathers would have stayed I often say “Sometimes no father is better than a shit father.” It’s funny,I have one,you don’t,and we’re both clearly fucked up.
When you grow up with a womanizing father who treats your mother like a leper servant and lets you know that,really,women aren’t worth much,you don’t really know how to act. Like you aren’t all that important because you’re a mere woman,or like a Goddess because Daddy loved you.
Cos Daddy was God,you know? He was the Moral Compass, the Provider, The Truth. He was the one you could not question, touch and sometimes, couldn’t see. But his presence was always felt.
Daddy was also the reason why you sometimes felt like you lived in a haunted house. Daddy was the reason why Mother never really slept right and had a make up budget she couldn’t afford. He was the reason why maids never stayed and your aunts never visited. He was the reason why you knew what a penis looked like before your friends and why you were so good at keeping secrets.
But Daddy loved you.
As he loved Mama [With his fists].
And loved His mother [With silence].
And loved his women [With sex].
That was Male Affection. And now,that is what you live and crave for.
You fuck them,trap a few,fight them,break them then go silent.
Because that is all you know. That’s that love shit.
I understand exactly why things tend to be as they are. Being Daddy’s Girl means you love as he did,but you are also what he attempted to love,and failed.
Hurt people hurt others and it’s not your fault. You don’t know HOW to love purely,as they do in the songs..You relate to songs about rejection, meaningless sex and heartbreak, Love, True Love that ends with joy, marriage and comfort is for the birds.
Because Love,your Love,cannot be peaceful.
But what’s Love got to do with Shit anyway?
It’s “Fuck it,I don’t need a man” then one night stands til you lose count.
It’s “I’m not capable of Love” then tears at midnight.