“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it…” – Oscar Wilde
My friends think I’m anti monogamy. This could be true. Just a little. I respect people enough to have them make their own decisions, I would just like them to know why they choose to live as they do.
I’ve only seen a handful of happy monogamous relationships. The people I know who are in them are either cheating, miserable or uninterested. It’s all a front. People stay together to be able to say “We’ve been together for 4 years” or because they look good together, sometimes for the simple fact that they don’t want to have to explain why the relationship didn’t work out.
They enter into relationships, but the relationship itself is never about them.
Do you really want to be with one person? Exclusively?
Chances are,No. You don’t. How many people do you see in a day who you’re attracted to? How many people do you know who you wonder about? Plenty. And the more you realize you are, in a sense, locked up, the easier it will be to begin to resent your partner. Because as far as you’re concerned, they’re keeping you from all the shit you could be experiencing, and nobody likes to feel stifled.
Most people consider open relationships taboo. Partly because we’ve been led to believe that Love means Ownership. We think that by being in a open/polyamorous relationship, we’re selling ourselves short and fear we in fact will not get the love and attention we deserve. The idea of having more than one partner is appealing when it comes to sexual matters, and even then, only in fantasies, but the idea of a romance is outlandish. Because a person can’t care about more than one person in that way now can they? Can they? And if so, should they?
Why are you in a monogamous relationship? Because you’ve been led to believe that’s the simplest, purest way to show affection for another human being? Self sacrifice? What makes you say “I’m going to ignore all my desires and settle down with you because that’s the right thing to do”?
Polygamy and polyamory date back to ancient times. Before intimacy was shameful. Before people began wanting to “Live right” and be possessive. Before we were told God wants us to only have one partner.
Because people don’t communicate in fear of hurting other people, they end up miserable. The very mention of other people will bring about feelings of inadequacy and tempers are likely to flare. It will be a case of “What? Aren’t I good enough?” as people forget they have their own desires they want to, and are being given the opportunity to explore. “What will people say? It will look like I can’t handle my relationship”. Meh.
Your relationship becomes jail and every anniversary a reminder of the sentence you’re serving as So and So’s partner.
I know a lot of people who cheat. It’s not that they don’t care about their partners. They love and respect them. They’re just unable to communicate the fact that they would like to not be exclusive, or have stated this and got negative reactions.
People are miserable in their “Love”. Because we’re out here policing other people’s genitals and being insecure and misunderstanding. I find it amusing when you meet people who are open minded in every aspect of their lives but that one. It’s as if the World can be a part of, and alter, everything else in their lives, but that.
As far as I’m concerned, Love has no boundaries. Not when it comes to who you love, nor when, nor how. But it took me a while to get to that way of thinking too, so maybe someday soon people will realize.