Think Like A Bitch And Get A Man

The dating scene’s gotten weird since I was out there. To be honest over the past couple of months I’ve been watching Think Like A Man, Going The Distance and trying to understand Why Men Love Bitches so I haven’t really seen firsthand what’s going on til recently. And frankly, I’d rather crawl back into my little hole and cuddle up with my intimacy issues and favourite porn site. 

I see while I was gone we decided communication is too mainstream for us and ignoring each other is the best way to keep the other around. All these rules were created by those who realized that no, in actual fact, grown people can’t do something as simple as date. Interact. Maintain romantic relationships. Communicate. Verbalize their desires. 


Selfless souls such as Steve Harvey and Sherry Argov sought to help us by telling us the best ways to manipulate, I mean, obtain and keep members of the opposite sex. And boy, did we listen. 

I’ll be honest right here and right now. I can’t do this. 

No M’am.

I cannot pretend, I cannot play the mind games and no, I cannot take dating advice that really sounds, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, stupid as shit.

“Don’t fix anything in the house. You’ll make him feel like less of a man.”

“Don’t nag him, he’ll cheat and leave and it’ll be your fault.”

“Don’t text him first, you’ll look like a stalker then he’ll go for your best friend.”

“If he calls, answer before the first ring is done, he’ll know you’re interested.”


I’ve never been able to pretend. Especially when I like someone. I’ll simply tell you I do and what you do with that is on you.

No Sir, I do not have the time nor the energy to act coy. I don’t ignore calls to make you think I’m busy so you want me more. I won’t not text you because you might think I like you. Honey, I just might. So the fuck what?

I cannot jump back to primary school where we send each other subliminal “I like you. Do you like me as more than a friend?” messages. I refuse to and I think we’re pushing a  load of crap.

I think a lot of this nonsense could just be solved with respect.

If I respect you and your intelligence and maturity enough to lay my expectations on the table without treating you like a guinea pig and using tactics to try and obtain whatever I want from you, we’d be alright. Disappointed often maybe, but really in such situations, sooner rather than later, no?

If I respected you enough to answer your calls instead of ignoring you in order to “keep you interested”, there’d be less of this noise.

We’ve become cowards when it comes to love and we’d rather try and put it in a box, create  plans and missions like falling in love is going to war then we wonder why things don’t go smoothly?

Can we just not lie to each other?

Maybe others are okay with it but personally, I ask that you not lie to me.

I do not have the kind of heart that deals well with deception and betrayal. I have enough trust issues as is and I don’t know nor understand why people still say one thing and hide the fact that they’re doing another except for simply, they are cowards.

How can we honestly complain about the lack of honest relationships when we spend so much time trying to perfect the art of deception?

We cannot talk about being grown men and women and still not be able to verbalize what we want. Are we that scared of rejection?Is that it?

Dating’s become a chore. 

I dread meeting new men in my life who ALWAYS come with the “You’re so mature for your age, tell me your hopes and dreams and since you’re open minded and a feminist and whatever organize a threesome with your other feminist writer friend because you’re both beautiful and you don’t know that.”

My god. 

Listen, If I’m a bitch it’s because I’m like that naturally, not because a book told me to be so.

No, I will not act like you. I have no desire to.

I will not do anything I don’t want to in order to be chosen by you as worthy.

Can’t we see when people are just plain beautiful anymore? 

I think I still can but to be honest the pretense gets in the way and it never lasts.

I’ll say it right now I want something that lasts. I don’t mean the relationship should go on forever but let me see You all the time.

I still want to feel free to send needy texts when I’m down and not be ashamed. I want to be able to call if I’m happy at midnight and tell you I just wanted to hear your voice.

I want to be free with a partner with no advice nor interference from the media or friends because we both trust each other’s opinions and judgement. No? Too much?



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  1. Hit that nail on the head. Oh my word. I can’t begin to express how much I totally agree. Waaait a minute, have you been accessing my thoughts? It was you wasn’t it. Jk, lovely piece

  2. You have this thing where you not only have the balls to say what you think, but the way you say it leaves an imprint in my mind. It’s really cool. Lovely post.

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