Things irk me. I wish it were as simple as saying they annoy me but when it comes to womanhood, the things that make me feel like being a woman is a burden, a curse, something to be ashamed of, hurt me in a rather unique way.
Most days I’m okay with the fact that, going out into the world, logging onto a social network, hell, going on Yahoo, means I need to switch off internally to a certain degree and get ready for hostility. Being a Woman is much like being a warrior, even when you aren’t actively at war, you’re ready to fight. And sometimes, I wish it wasn’t that way. Some days I get tired of fighting.
You can only ignore so much, I find, til you probably have to break down, then wipe the slate clean and start again. Start registering more hate and more pain and more of what comes with being who you are, where you are, and what you are.
Women aren’t meant to complain. And by “complain” I mean be honest and vocal about what hurts them, or what hurts anyone else. We are everyone’s punching bag. Everyone’s dump site. Everyone’s maid, lover, stress ball..Anyone’s anything.
I wonder, if it weren’t for “radical” friends, books, social media, all the ways women show support to and for other women, how many women would know they actually exist?
As people and not Lesser Beings.
How many would know they need to be their own Everything and not someone’s something?
I realize I’m faceless when I’m harassed on the street. There I’m just another body.
I realize I’m faceless when I’m shamed and stared at for my shorts or cleavage or walking a certain way. To them, I’m just another [young] woman being nasty and disgusting. Something to hate and judge.
I realize I’m faceless when my parents tell me I’m a disappointment. To them, I’m just a dream gone wrong.
I realize I’m voiceless when I try to explain [myself].
When I come home, dead tired, and have to cook because I’m a woman. When my brother, who’s 11, does nothing more than fry drumsticks every two months because “he’s still a baby” and I’ve been cooking for all of them since the same age. I realize I am just an able [female] body then.
When I hear the many variations of “dark skinned VS light skinned women” and I’m told I’m alright because I’m light, I know to some men, we’re just colours with vaginas.
The arguments over what a woman should look like or be. We aren’t people,bodies,women..we’re clay everyone thinks they have the right to mould.
And how do you think it feels to live in a society that only acknowledgeS you exist when either degrading, dismissing or dehumanizing you?
To work at enlightening and emancipating people who think you’re silly?
What it’s like to live when you’re dead in other people’s eyes.