Pleasures

Nymphomaniac I: Part 1, The Lessons and Formative Years

Nympho

“As a young nymph, it was imperative for me to get rid of my virginity,”  These are the words of Joe, the protagonist in Lars Von Trier’s oddly controversial Nymphomaniac.   

Nymphomaniac: Vol I and II tell the story of Joe, a self proclaimed nympho/sex addict.  Far from being the seedy low budget smut, one would expect it to be based on the title, it is in fact a rather honest, eye opening depiction of Life through the eyes of an insatiable woman, and the experiences one goes through.

Nymphomaniac I:Joe’s story begins.

She’s found beaten half to death close  to an alley by an elderly man, Seligman.

Already?” I think. “Shit’s gone bad for her already? Jesus, is this one of those movies that depict the downfall of promiscuous women? Cos I’m not here for that.”

She refuses medical attention and instead  goes to his apartment to lay down and have a cup of tea with milk. [No, really.]

Here, her story unfolds.

 

She is not “just another girl with daddy issues”.  On the contrary, Joe has a rather close and warm relationship with her father, they bond as he tells her stories about trees. Her mother, however, is described as “cold” and often, a “cunt” [You’ll come to find, it’s not a dirty word in the movie] .   She “discovers” her vagina when she’s 2, and as she grows with a female companion known only as B, they discover the different ways in which the female genitalia can provide and feel pleasure.

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“Perhaps the only difference between me and other people is that I’ve always wanted more from the sunset. More spectacular colors when the sun hits the horizon. That’s perhaps my only sin,” she muses.  Giving the impression that there is no real shame to the life that she has lived.  She is not burdened by society and religion’s  view of the “Unholy” woman.

“Are you insisting that children are sinful?” asks Seligman.  To which she responds in a childlike voice “Not children, me.” So maybe things aren’t exactly what they seem, for her.  It is not shame that cripples her internally, not at all, but she is fully aware of her own misgivings.

She grows and is drawn to her vagina.

Curious.

Understand that  when you really start taking note of your vagina and it’s workings, appearance, feelings, it’s amazing.  As a child I personally was intrigued by it.  How simply complex it was.  Why it was a secret.  So Joe’s desire to know more, and experience more regarding it resonated with me.

She loses her virginity in a rather inelegant manner, as  most of us have, methinks, but will never admit.  A young Joe considers her target sophisticated because he as a Moped and quite bluntly asks him “If I asked you to take my virginity would that be a problem?”

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He doesn’t turn her down, and proceeds to penetrate both her vagina and anus [NO LUBE! Christ, the savagery].  Now, I wouldn’t go so far as agreeing with Asa Akira’s sentiments that it’s really practical to just lose them both at the same time since the first time for both is always rather uncomfortable. But It would make sense to lose them.. close together.  Not on the same day though, unless if you can take both your holes being sore.

He’s clumsy, swift and really, a terrible lover.

He is Shia LaBeouf, playing Jerome.

“It hurt like hell. I swore I’d never sleep with anyone again. But of course that only lasted a short while.” Oh honey, don’t we know it?

Years later, with her friend B, again, she really cums into her own regarding her sexuality, so to speak.  Young, dizzy and eager, they go out dressed provocatively on a quest.  To fuck as many men on a train as possible, winner gets a packet of sweets. No, really.

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It’s not shocking, really. Not in the least. When you’re young and sexually active, stuck in that weird place where you think you’re an adult yet still have the urge to act young and stupid, things happen.

Everything up to this point had passed without so much as an eyebrow raise from me.  But when you watch the movie, you note that Joe looks rather young.  Skinny, lanky, simply childlike.  She could be a model if she were taller.  But it’s still evident that she’s a girl. This however, doesn’t hinder the men she manages to “seduce”.  Men twice her age still  fuck her, and this is not an issue for them, in the least.

The fact is a girl who thinks she can act like a woman will be treated as such by those who know better.

“I discovered my power as a woman and used it  to my advantage without any concern for anyone else.”  It’s funny that she would have guilt over this, yet understandable.  Society doesn’t condition us to do so and therefore doesn’t condone it. With that in mind, whether we know it or not, many of us internalize society’s perceptions and opinions and use them to gauge whether or not we are “good” people.

This is a recurring theme  throughout her telling of her story and the subsequent conversations with Seligman.

Joe

Is she a good person? 

What IS a good person? 

She’s adamant that she’s a horrible being, but he constantly has a counter argument that suggests that possibly, she is too harsh on herself.  They represent both sides of the conversation when it usually comes to issues dealing with promiscuity, and life really.

Are you bad? Or simply a person who’s reacted to circumstances as your Spirit saw fit?

B and Joe start a club: “The Little Flock”.   A group of sexually emancipated/promiscuous girls who’re seemingly, anti love.

The Little Flock

“It was rebellious,” she says. “We were committed to combating the love fixated society”.

But B lets the girls down when she falls in love. It’s a betrayal to the Flock. A betrayal to the inner vixen who vows never to experience true intimacy.

This is the first time that affection, love, attachment taints sex for her.

“You think you know everything about sex.

The secret ingredient to sex, is love.” says B.

“For me love was just lust, with jealousy added,” muses an older Joe.

And this is all before Varsity.

It’s amazing the lessons one learns when they jump headfirst into “maturity” and “adulthood”, blindly.  Having personally lost my virginity at 12, I completely related to Joe’s experiences.  By the time you get to Varsity, you’re weirdly both naive and relatively mature.  I loved how the story was told in a purely matter of fact manner.

She was not a “victim”.

She had no “daddy issues”.

She chose to do as she pleased with her body and faced the consequences and lessons as they played out.

There was no shame to being promiscuous, she simply was.

 

*This is the first in a series of posts to follow.

**Also, something I noted. B and Joe’s initials together is : BJ. Ha.

 

 

Kelly Cutrone

Kelly Cutrone is a Badass.
Before I get into why, just repeat her name to yourself like a mantra and savour how empowered you feel.
Done? Cool.
Now..

Why is she a Badass, dear reader?
Because she says things like this:

“I learned quickly that people have strong conceptions about powerful women, and powerful women are not viewed the way powerful men are viewed. When people see a powerful woman, they start to attack them. And that’s fine with me. If you can hold your own and withstand all that firing, they celebrate you. It’s like a gladiator sport.”

“Even though I am sometimes perceived as a bitch or a witch, the office atmosphere I cultivate is nothing like the cultural stereotype of striving women clawing each other to death to get the queen bee’s job. Women have been taught that, in order to get ahead, we have to be secretive and plotting and manipulative, because a straightforward route to the top hasn’t always existed for us, and in many industries it still doesn’t. But I don’t believe in playing into these stereotypes. We don’t have to stab each other in the back, we don’t have to take things personally and break down when we’re criticized, and we don’t have to advance at each others’ expense.”

“Your dreams are ballbusters; they’re not the yellow brick road.”

“We’re constantly getting these messages to mind our own business and look the other way if we want to be well liked, to not tell the truth or speak our mind or say anything too intense. Well, I’m telling you here that this approach not only makes you party to other people’s crimes against themselves but is a prescription for mediocrity and delusion.”

“The whole book basically says that I think women have been programmed to be the prettiest, skinniest, best girl, to be really skinny and wear pretty clothes and go to college and get a great degree and then come out and get a great job, and then find a guy and get married, and get pregnant and have a baby, and sorta live happily ever after. And my take is that doesn’t really allow for a lot of freedom for them figure out like, is that who they really are. And so, this is the book for like the village girl who doesnt wanna do things in the order that their mother said, like first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. This is for the person who wants to find themselves and be who they are, regardless of their gender, and make the most of their life.” -On “If You Have To Cry Go Outside”

She’s not known for being nice.

She’s know for making the hard decisions and telling the truth.
She’s known for building a Public Relations empire.
She’s known by some as “The tarot card reader from that one time.”
She’s known for writing two amazing ass books “If You Have To Cry Go Outside” and “Normal Gets You Nowhere”.
She’s the Mean Demon Lady whose been on The Hills, The City and America’s Next Top Model.

And she’s a mother, a boss and a being whose constantly completely honest with herself.
At the end of the day, she’s an inspiration.

Kosher Nights and Better Days: Kosher turns 2

Kosher’s been the scene for many a debaucherous night for me.  I have vivid memories of shot glasses and massive bouncers.  Conversations with strangers in the bathroom and the effect dancehall has on People of Colour playing out in front of me on the dancefloor.

Shit, I even know the old lady who works at the bar and I honestly think she’s seen me so often I’d buy her a Coke if I saw her during the daylight.

If an event can be a home away from home, that’s what it’s been.

So when DJ Fauz asked me to come through and see what goes on behind the scenes, the groupie in me was ecstatic. [The writer in me.. uhh.. too. Yeah. Totally.]

The Twitter hashtag put itself together really: #hookahsandhoesatkosher.

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[As the night wore on, it proved rather..accurate.]

It was drizzling as I walked into the Cresta lobby.  Something I knew would still not deter party goers because we just live in that kind of city.  I found  set up in full swing.  The place was barren with tangled chords on the floor, the setup crew and hotel staff milling about with DJ Fauz, Ozzy the Great and Petula [Fauz’s gorgeous wife].  It felt a bit like how it must feel to wake up next to the person you might be in love with for the first time.  Here, naked, exposed and simple, you have to wonder if you’ll ever see them as flawless again.

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As I tried not to panic and remember that after all this, she’d look as gorgeous as she usually does, the Marked Men crew walked in.  Chub Heightz, VH, Mak and TT looked rather domineering until they started talking.  From a Beyonce impersonation by Chub to a rather heated argument about which is better, tea or coffee, the morning was filled with laughter as speakers, lights and sets went up around us.

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Tension was in the air though because this wasn’t just any random Kosher night.

Kosher was turning two.

Imagine. It’s been around as long as Blue Ivy.

By lunch time we figured it was time to calm our nerves, or start celebrating, depending on why you were there.

A Guarana and tequila shot later I was drawn out of the bar by the sound of Biggie blaring from speakers.

Ozzy The Great was going through his set and I could not wait to see how the crowd would react.  Pac, Shaggy, Biggie, a splash of old school reggae and some Busta Rhymes?!

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It was pure ecstasy.

Or at least I thought so.  The patrons of the Hotel strolled about nonchalantly as I fought the urge to jump in front of one and in a scene reminiscent of something out of High School Musical, get everyone grinding and swaying.

I was ready for a 90s dance battle and all the hotel staff wanted to do was ask me if I wanted tea or coffee.

FOR SHAME!

The hours passed and so did the liquor.  By 5PM I was ready to party and people, wherever in the world they were, probably weren’t even close to getting ready.  Door’s opened at 8PM and I felt hype enough to be in a Pitbull video. As people disappeared to get ready and the drinks continued to disappear within me to get me ready, the sun set. A quick dash upstairs into the hotel to freshen up and we were set.

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As usual there were a few people littered about, dancing awkwardly and sipping slow.  All three rooms, the two Turn Up rooms and VIP had a visible social hierarchy set up.  The Cool Kids, the Thirsty Men, The Pseudo Celebrities, The Occasional Bad Bitches and the Rest.

A lot of men gravitated towards the game station, drunk and eager to prove their dominance over the characters and whomsoever challenged them.

The place looked gorgeous. My lover had remained her youthful vigor and now revelers marveled and spilled drinks all over her as she filled up.  She got full fast.

A few hours into the event Kosher was so full people were crowded around the stairs contemplating what to do.

Me? My camera abandoned, because I just knew my mind couldn’t pay attention to more than two objects [My phone and cup], I was dodging photos and playing a hospitable Stepford wife [albeit one in short shorts and a beanie].

Eventually I found myself seated with DJ Fauz, Mak, TT and the strikingly beautiful DJ Cupid taking vodka shots because..

Did I mention Kosher was turning two?

Because that’s like 13 in the entertainment industry.

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It turned out to be an amazing night.  From the crowd going insane when Drunk In Love dropped to me being thoroughly convinced life was meant to be lived under strobe lights, it was filled with memorable moments.  I watched like a proud mother as patrons danced in what just a few hours before was an empty, unattractive room.  I knew something they didn’t: She isn’t this gorgeous all the time.

And the appreciation I had for the team afterwards!  Who knew so much tedious work goes into bringing us a few hours of pleasure?

Two lucky attendees won P1000 apiece and I’m sure a lot of people went home having acquired something priceless too. [No, not herpes.]

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Laone, one of the winners

The next morning, I woke up feeling like Ke$ha.  If a week filled with “Yo dude. Are you alright?” messages from friends and strangers alike is anything to go by, there are memories of that night that should be left in the recesses of people’s cameras.

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And did I mention the kidney infection that followed?

THAT was like contracting chlamydiae from your main chick due to your own irresponsibility.

But oh, what a wonderful ride it was, at the time.

To mark the journey that has been, I got in touch with a few people to share their Kosher memories.  Get into it below:

“The first time I went to Kosher I had no idea where I was gonna spend the night and I ended up drinking with my friends on a bench with a girl from Amsterdam.  I got so drunk I actually danced. If you know me, you’ll know why that’s horrific.  Lol. It’s my go to place in Gabs to party now.” – A White girl named Neo, Gantsi.

No, really.

“I met my girlfriend at Kosher a year ago.  S/O to Fauz for dropping the set that had her grinding on me!” – Gorata, London. 

“Kosher’s saved our night life scene, man.  I’ve been going for over a year now. That place is like home.” – Dee

“I have a love/hate relationship with that place. I always do the vilest things there. Lol. *covers face*” – Tshepo, Joburg. 

To say it’s love from us to Marked Men, Fauz, Cresta and everyone who continues to make  Kosher Sessions a possibility is an understatement.

Here’s to more years and more debauchery!

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Superhead: The Brains, The Brilliance and The Blowjobs

As a woman in this society your sexual exploits tend to infamously stick with you til your dying day.  Clinton will be remembered as the President who got head in the Oval office. Monica Lewinsky, the naive, home wrecking cock sucker. Marilyn Monroe will be remembered for her beauty and skill, as well as allegedly sleeping with both the Kennedy brothers. Rihanna’s broken records and made more money than the average person’s great grandchildren combined will probably ever make, but most pop culture enthusiasts are more concerned with whose hotel room she was seen walking out of than her net worth.

This is how it is.

I’ve always loved the Mary Magdalenes of the world. Someone needs to love the “hoes” Snoop Dogg encouraged everyone to leave out in the cold.  I always want to know who they are, where they came from and what they want out of Life.  I always want to know the person behind the vilified persona.

“Superhead.”

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I first heard her name on Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far”. I had no idea who she was nor what she did, really. I just assumed she was a random video girl with a skill. After doing a bit of research, the crevices of the Internet proved I was right about one of those assumptions.  The name stands for what she’s [in]famous for and that’s how the average person seems to want to know and remember her, it seems.

So imagine my surprise to find that Karrine “Superhead” Steffans is actually a best selling author, entrepreneur, mother, certified Interior Designer and more.

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That’s the shit they never tell you. That she wasn’t just a nympho hopping from video set to video set looking for victims, she was actually only on the scene for a year or so.  No one discusses her achievements since then nor how she became who she is.  No one gives her her props and most would sooner call her “the bitch who snitched”, rather than “the Island girl who wrote a book and ended up on Oprah”.

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The media focuses more on her tumultuous relationship with Lil Wayne than anything else, really, and so what did she do? Write about it. [How To Make Love To A Martian].

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I’m currently on my fourth book by her [The Vixen Diaries] and I absolutely adore her way of writing.  Her matter of fact way of telling her story and the introspection that comes with them have me hooked.  I’ve found reading her work to be akin to listening to an older sister tell you about life and recently, decor.

Karrine, to me, is a perfect example of the duality that exists in any woman.  She’s been strong and brave enough to NOT be boxed in by society’s definition of who a woman can and can’t be.  She’s intelligent, she’s gorgeous and she’s focused.  In my most indecisive moments I’ve found solace and guidance in her words.

She’s amazing, and although I don’t agree with all the things she says, I can’t deny that I feel that she’s a voice many a young woman need to hear.

Follow Karrine on Twitter: @KarrineandCo

And check out her site: http://karrineandco.com

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