change

Marriage: I do, sometimes.

Everyone thinks they have shit figured out.  We all have opinions on situations we’ve never been in and a mental rule book on how to live that we never consult when issues involve us.

The one thing it seems all human beings are good at, is critiquing someone else’s decisions.

“So and so fell pregnant, she’s silly, why would she? She’s so young.”

“He’s engaged. But he’s only 22. Why? There’s so much to still experience.”

Basically: “So and so’s not doing what I’d do so their decisions are sketchy.”

Our generation has a jaded view on love and relationships.  Many are extremists on the matter. They either believe relationships are for the needy or single people are ill. We all question each other’s decisions with no knowledge on the intricate details of matters.

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Somewhere on this journey of Life I decided I’m dying alone.

Well, not so much decided as accepted, maybe.

And this is the part where I roll my eyes as someone chimes in “Well, we all die alone.”  Yes, thank you for your input Sherlock Hipster.

Raised with the idea that everyone has a soulmate who’ll put up with their shit I went into dating with a certain certainty.  It was kind of like taking shots until you find the one that tastes good and gets you drunk the fastest.  You just knew you’d find it, you had to.

As time’s passed I’ve met my soulmates. [Yes, some people have more than one. I’ve met four so far.] None of which I’ve dated.

I’d gladly marry tomorrow provided the person knows when to leave me alone.  For me, that is the key to a peaceful union: individuality and acceptance.

I’ve dated people who are exactly like me and I’ve dated people who are nothing like me. I’ve been in love and I’ve been infatuated. I’ve discussed baby names and considered how long I’d wait after marrying someone before I’d divorce them.

See I don’t believe marriage is the inconvenience many believe it is, I believe it can be.

I go into relationships knowing things will change. My partner will, so will I, and for me, the main question is: Am I willing and able to grow with this person?

Many people don’t think about that. They don’t wonder if the person they’ll be in the future will be compatible with the person their partner will be.

For me, long term relationships mean committing to the person your partner will be in the future. If you can both agree on doing this, I don’t see why people can’t marry young.

Marriage for me doesn’t equate to “settling down”.

It is not putting your dreams on the back burner.

It is not leaving your dreams to focus on someone else’s.

It’s about finding someone to love you and encourage you as you grow.

My best friend taught me more about romance than any romantic relationship ever has.

In our 8 years together we’ve been many things and all kinds of people. We’ve shared experiences we’ll never disclose. We’ve fought, we’ve laughed and we’ve cried.

I realized a few years ago, the main thing that’s kept us together is respect, love and acceptance.

And here Sherlock Hipster chimes in again “Well relationships aren’t like friendships. There’s sacrifice and responsibility and..”

Yes, yes.

There’s all that, sure.

But the basis of every good relationship I believe, should be those three.

Decide if you’re going to give conditional or unconditional love.

Will you still be there if your partner decides to be a drag queen? Or quit school and move to another country to be a bar tender?

What is it you see in that person and is it enough for you in the long run?

american wedding

Who are you living for?

I’m yet to meet a person who announces to the world that they’re going to change their life and actually does.  From drug addicts to layabouts, people pleasers to assholes, they all at some point proclaim “I’m done. From now on, there’s a new me” and I don’t know whether this New version of them malfunctions or it’s simply never created, but I’ve never encountered it.

Why people feel the need to proclaim their personal, internal changes to the world is beyond me. I guess in a society where we feel the need to share pictures of our food, the fact that we’re going to urinate and even that one is considering shaving, it was bound to come.

If eye rolling were an exercise, I’d have the fittest eyes around.  I probably do it too often  as I read these proclamations and promises to Future Selves, passive aggressive words heavy with urgency and defeat.

“From now on I no longer care what anyone else has to say. It’s about me now. I want to better myself and change into the person I’m meant to be.”

And that’s all good and well. Lovely.

But why tell the world what you won’t tell yourself?

I find more often than not, such people want affirmation and acknowledgement from others. Sometimes, simply, attention.

The “I quit drinking” every Sunday morning people.

The “I no longer want to have meaningless sex” and yet still having one night stands on the sly people.

The “From now on I’m gonna be confident” but I’m only saying that so you people acknowledge I said it people.

“You don’t get cookies for doing what you’re supposed to do.”

I don’t think people understand this.

You aren’t entitled to a standing ovation for bettering yourself as a person. Not for doing what’s best for yourself, no, you don’t.

I understand that for most people, they want some sort of reward for going through distress but honestly, even when it comes to doing something for yourself that you feel you’ll benefit from?

Why should your relationship with your Self include other people? See, this is where people get it wrong. We’re so busy being out of ourselves and in the world, whether on the internet or otherwise, that we forget that We are all we have.

That’s why we have people who can’t make a decision without someone else’s input, even if it’s a stranger.

That’s why we have those “Wanna dye my hair. Red or purple?” people.

Those “I want to sleep but I’m hungry. What do you think I should do guys?” people.

I feel these kinds of people are exactly like those who want to tell the world about their decision to do something that affects no one but themselves.

People who constantly ask for advice irk me. I feel like they make you responsible for their life and that, in my eyes, is not only disrespectful, it’s a lot of pressure that the next person doesn’t need. No one needs to be living someone else’s life on their behalf.

If you are one of these people I ask you, why?

How difficult is it to ask yourself about things that are only your business and see how you feel about it?

How difficult is it to be responsible to and for yourself?

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