emancipation

Love For Sale

“You overlooking every nigga that ain’t quite ready,
To make it rain on you like about to break a levee,
Hold up, that pussy petty.
Yeah, your nails did, your hair did,
Your cell phone is selfish,It only got numbers that come with a Hummer..” – Kendrick Lamar, Memories Back Then

 

Is it really though?  And if so, what’s wrong with that?

See, you can use your mind to get ahead in Life, that’s expected.  You can use your name, it’s sometimes frowned upon but really, go ahead.  You can use who you know, what you’ve seen or what you can do. But using your body, that’s downright sleazy.  

A woman who only associates with wealthy men is considered a gold digger. Called a Ho, shallow, considered unintelligent, she disgusts many, is looked down upon and might as well be a prostitute according to them, she IS in their eyes, save for the street walking. 

And I think that has got to be the silliest way of looking at it. The worst. 

 

Why do people think these women are unintelligent/uneducated?

Possibly because back in the days when women were thought to not need an education,  she “needed” a wealthy man  for support.  Maybe, to shame them for their choice, to make them appear as nothing but bodies, mindless, starving vixens. Obviously to make them appear as ones not deserving of respect because people would think they have nothing to offer.  

 

These women are some of the strongest, smartest women in our society today.  Who else can realize that they can use what they have to get what they want and actually follow through to live as they want despite the judgement and backlash? 

 

Why should I be ashamed to use my body but proud to use my mind?  I mean, other people can know what I know, but if I have the kind of body that draws attention and admirers, are you telling me that I should ignore that, and not couple it with my intellect, because you’ll judge me? It’s not happening. 

 

“Say No to Struggle” A friend reminds me every time we’re together.  Honey, does it make sense to capitalize on everything that you have except the one thing you always possess, that comes naturally?

No,  this is not me telling women to actively seek out wealthy men, or to be escorts or sex workers, this is me telling them they have the right to, if they want to. 

Asa Akira’s a porn star who absolutely adores her job.  She gets paid to fuck and can take on as many men as she wants.  You can tell she happily comes to work. Pun intended. I’ve never seen her even the least bit uncomfortable in her scenes.

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve been called a slut, a whore..All I know is, I’m insatiable.” -Asa

Skin Diamond too. Everyone she works with from actors and actresses to photographers say she’s a breeze to work with because she’s passionate about it. Isn’t that lovely?

Would you do it? I mean, we all love sex. Okay, most of us do. But if you have a passion for it, as a woman, would you? Other than the obvious, explaining to parents…blah blah blah..what else would hold you back? I know “What would people think?” is on that mental list. How does that make you feel? That you’d let something as trivial as opinions that would have nothing to do with your actual job keep you from pursuing it? Logic says that fear makes sense. What does Love say?

It’s your body.

Your image.

Your Life.

Your conscience.

You are your responsibility.

I tend to tell people that Shame is an inherited emotion. We feel ashamed because people tell us we should be and that’s not fair.  If you insist, you have the right to tell me what’s appropriate in society, but you can’t tell me what’s appropriate for Me. 

People still do though. Often. Passionately. I’ve found their voices aren’t as loud as my feelings and my conscience. I wish it was the same for others.  

There’s no shame in doing what you want with what’s yours. It’s yours. Other people’s opinions are theirs. Don’t let them dictate what you do, they don’t know what you want nor need. 

Live. 

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Pro Choice = Anti Life? Bitch, please.

I feel a certain way about being told what to do with my vagina.

I feel a certain way about people imposing their beliefs on me.

I feel a certain way about being judged for making a decision based on what I know and feel.

I feel a certain way about abortion, Life, choice, rights and the government.

While having a conversation with a friend she told me that there’re places that use Dettol antiseptic liquid for abortions. As in, they basically pour that into your vagina and wait for the rest to happen. I know of people who drink water boiled with 5 thebes for this too. Some women use coat hangers, others drink poison. It’s all just a fucking mess.

Now,I’m from Botswana, and here abortion is illegal.  People bring up such issues as It being murder, it being immoral. It’s a child.. If you didn’t want the baby you shouldn’t have had sex..Oh so what if you’re dirt broke and won’t be able to support it? Bring it into the world. So what if you were raped and will possibly hate the child? Bring it into the world.

Because all humans have rights, including those who haven’t seen the light of day, except for women who want to decide what to do with their bodies and their lives.

Listen.

Sex gets messy. Life gets messy. Sometimes, you end up in situations you didn’t bargain for.  We know this.

You believe Life begins the moment the sperm fertilizes the egg, someone else believes it’s when the limbs form and another, when the child is born. We do not think alike, but many are on a bid for us to.

Now, I don’t have an issue with us viewing things differently. I have an issue with people forcing others to be like them and not respecting the fact that they have the right to make their own decisions, as seems to be the norm.

You don’t know nor understand WHY these ladies do as they do. And you don’t seem to understand that in fact, no, abortion is not a luxury. It’s not cute. It’s not like deciding to blow your nose. These women know there’s a baby inside them, a life growing, and choosing to terminate that for whatever reason is NEVER an easy decision to make.

Don’t you think there’s shame at some point,maybe? Indecision? Fear? Guilt?

I think a lot of people throw their judgement around because they think other people lack a conscience. No. We have consciences just as we have rational thoughts and emotions. And you..you are a bunch of cows really.

Being a “Christian” country I assume it’s illegal here for the above stated reasons. Hypocritical leaders are a problem. I promise you, it’s not that THEY don’t get their lovers to abort the children they make, they do..It’s just that making it okay here would anger the people and despite the fact that we know the people never really have a say in shit at the end of the day, we don’t make it happen.

I don’t understand why, to appear morally correct and “fair” to society, you want others to bring children into this world who may be unwanted, may grow up to be abused and will probably lack the things other kids have [affection, resources,etc].

Why force someone to care for something they view as an inconvenience?  You know how people react in situations they don’t like..Plus, in an overpopulated world anyway, where people are starving and shit is just all kinds of fucked u…just, why?

People don’t think. Nor do they respect those who do.

It’s fucked up that a group of people who are only a fraction of our population get to tell us how to live and we think they’re superior to us.

It’s fucked up that there are women dying because a few still wanna hold on to their “morality”.

And the judgement..Is stupid.

The situation is sad.

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How Hard 2: The Seduction Of Submission

Some women feel the need to provide for the men in their lives.
To cater to his every need and ensure his content, joy.. To please.
I have always been this kind of woman.

If you are the man I consider special,the one I value and hold  in high esteem, I will always see to it that you’re satisfied in every way and I will seek to fulfill all your desires. I do whatever is in my realm of capabilities to make sure you are happy.
It’s how I’ve always been in relationships and it is how I think I will always be.

When it comes to my interactions with the men I’m with, I am rather traditional. I believe the man I’m with should be a pillar of strength. A provider. My safe place, my stability, my joy and my comfort. If he is all of this to me,  I’ll be all I am for him. I’ll be his.

Submission was a foreign concept to me, as BDSM was at some point. Honestly, a part of me felt I was a tad bit backward for feeling the need to provide for and belong to a man as I did.

While doing research for an article I was working on about the BDSM world and the  misconceptions people have of it, I stumbled upon accounts and diary entries of submissives. While reading them I realized, this was the kind of Woman I was drawn to being.

Submission had been a threatening idea because I felt I’d be relinquishing my rights to myself. Was I selling out? Would I be his slave? Why did I feel the need to be in such a set up? There were more questions than answers and the only answer that kept coming up was “It just IS what I want. It’s what feels right.”

I thought about it, kept on reading and came to the conclusion that in actual fact, this was another step to discovering who I am as a lover, partner and a woman.

There was no shame in the fact that I wanted to be owned by my partner. Therein lay my comfort. Knowing that there was someone who could be strong for you, who knew you in ways none other did and who you trusted enough to give all of yourself to.

I understand why some people think submissive women are weak. I used to. But,this is the life we feel comfortable living.

The relationship between a Dom [Dominant] and his sub [submissive] is not one that could be easily explained to an outsider. The level of intimacy shared is one I honestly think most relationships lack. You trust someone with all of you and trust them to have your best interests at hearts, without fail.

Thankfully while I was learning and accepting this side of myself I had a partner who was understanding and accepting. He was open to this and had his fair share of kinks and pleasures he liked to indulge [in].

He became my Sir. It wasn’t awkward. It wasnt forced.  We already had such a relationship to begin with but discussing it made it easier for both of us and our relationship [and sex life]  became better because of it.

When it comes to BDSM sex and being a sub, honey, the pleasures are both thrilling and occasionally terrifying. The right Dom will
push you out of your comfort zone and push into you in ways no other will be able to top. For me, its been one long enlightening and enriching experience.

Provided your Dom treats you as the Queen you are,[as some people will pretend to be such only to prey on and use females] as his sub, even if the relationship ends, there will always be a level of intimacy, a bond.

Your Dom/Sir/Master will know you in ways no other person will,and that’s one thing I appreciate and probably eternally will. The trust, the intimacy, knowing you have someone who really knows you.

Submission however, is kept for those who understand it, and who I can see a future with. So far, there’s only been one such man. And to this day those around me still don’t understand how we work.

Its been a rough,bumpy ride [the only kind I prefer really] but I can honestly say I know what kind of Lady/Freak I am. And you,love?
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What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, and even YOU are mine

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it…” – Oscar Wilde

 

My friends think I’m anti monogamy.  This could be true. Just a little. I respect people enough to have them make their own decisions, I would just like them to know why they choose to live as they do.

I’ve only seen a handful of happy monogamous relationships. The people I know who are in them are either cheating, miserable or uninterested. It’s all a front. People stay together to be able to say “We’ve been together for 4 years” or because they look good together, sometimes for the simple fact that they don’t want to have to explain why the relationship didn’t work out.

They enter into relationships, but the relationship itself is never about them.

Do you really want to be with one person? Exclusively? 

Chances are,No. You don’t. How many people do you see in a day who you’re attracted to? How many people do you know who you wonder about? Plenty. And the more you realize you are, in a sense, locked up, the easier it will be to begin to resent your partner. Because  as far as you’re concerned, they’re keeping you from all the shit you could be experiencing, and nobody likes to feel stifled.

Most people consider open relationships taboo. Partly because we’ve been led to believe that Love means Ownership. We think that by being in a open/polyamorous relationship, we’re selling ourselves short and fear we in fact will not get the love and attention we deserve. The idea of having more than one partner is appealing when it comes to sexual matters, and even then, only in fantasies, but the idea of a romance is outlandish. Because a person can’t care about more than one person in that way now can they? Can they? And if so, should they?

Why are you in a monogamous relationship? Because you’ve been led to believe that’s the simplest, purest way to show affection for another human being? Self sacrifice? What makes you say “I’m going to ignore all my desires and settle down with you because that’s the right thing to do”?

Says who?

Polygamy and polyamory date back to ancient times. Before intimacy was shameful. Before people began wanting to “Live right” and be possessive. Before we were told God wants us to only have one partner.

Because people don’t communicate in fear of hurting other people, they end up miserable.  The very mention of other people will bring about feelings of inadequacy and tempers are likely to flare. It will be a case of “What? Aren’t I good enough?” as people forget they have their own desires they want to, and are being given the opportunity to explore.  “What will people say? It will look like I can’t handle my relationship”. Meh. 

Your relationship becomes jail and every anniversary a reminder of the sentence you’re serving as So and So’s partner.

I know a lot of people who cheat. It’s not that they don’t care about their partners. They love and respect them. They’re just unable to communicate the fact that they would like to not be exclusive, or  have stated this and got negative reactions.

People are miserable in their “Love”.  Because we’re out here policing other people’s genitals and being insecure and  misunderstanding. I find it amusing when you meet people who are open minded in every aspect of their lives but that one. It’s as if the World can be a part of, and alter, everything else in their lives, but that.

As far as I’m concerned, Love has no boundaries. Not when it comes to who you love, nor when, nor how.  But it took me a while to get to that way of thinking too, so maybe someday soon people will realize.

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I understand why you’re a slut, boo..

I wonder when the average woman realizes that she owns her vagina.

That her virginity isn’t something for her parents to brag about.

Nor her pussy grip something for her lover to tell his friends about.

That her body count, whether it be 4 or 90, won’t really change the World.

And her “purity” is not determined by her genitalia nor can it be measured by a priest and guarantee passage into Heaven.

There was a point in time [I’m lying, it’s still ongoing] when I was constantly referred to as a whore. See I didn’t  understand why though. I knew all the people I slept with, and I knew why I had, so I didn’t understand how an outside party could brand me such without sufficient information on why, how and when it happened.

While discussing this with a male friend, he asked me “Do you sleep with all the people you want to though?”, I responded in the affirmative, to which he said “Well then you’re good. Fuck ’em. You need to understand, most people are too afraid to do that cos they either think they’ll be rejected or they’re afraid of being judged. As long as you’re getting yours, they’ll stay mad. Accept it.”

It was food for thought. Are we considered whores for the sole reason that we feel free to do what we please with our vagina?

Are you a slut because you fucked the whole clique and actually enjoyed it?

Are you a skank because you cum, boo?

Now, men tend to put it this way “I can’t fuck with her cos everyone’s had a turn and I’m not about that.” But, why is it that even if a female is notorious for her sexual acts, she STILL continues to fuck whomever she wants? Including the self righteous men who want “Pure” women. Men naturally always wanna be conquerors and pioneers and shit..Is that why they want virgins? To be able to say “I broke her”? Then feel Big cos you think she’ll remember you forever and you would’ve changed her Life?

If no one had led you to believe an autonomous woman is undesirable, would you still deny yourself pleasure?

The arguments made are ridiculous really.

“Her pussy is probably loose..Besides what will my hommies say? Nah..What if that bitch has like..a disease or some shit? I ain’t bout it.”

Now..loose pussy. I personally don’t understand how this is still a thing since kegels exist. But if it still is..Well. *shrugs* But honey, have you yourself considered the fact that maybe you aren’t well endowed? I don’t know. Just maybe.

If one is still worried about what their friends will say when it comes to those they choose to lay with, maybe they shouldn’t be laying with anyone at all. Evidently mental maturity is lacking and you are unable to make decisions so, don’t. As for diseases. Why assume that she is reckless? Because in YOUR mind she ain’t shit, you believe SHE thinks she ain’t shit?Honey,no.

Women need to understand that a man who is ashamed of you doing as you please doesn’t really respect nor trust your ability to make your own decisions and trust yourself.

So why fuck [with] them though?

Your clitoris should be your best friend.

Sex shaming is unfortunately rife and people have no issue being closed minded, self righteous ad sometimes, just downright dumb.

To Quote Kid Cudi “In the end they’ll judge me anyway, so, whatever..”, So, to quote The Weeknd “Girl take pride in what you wanna do, even if that means a new man every night inside of you..”

Would you rather be sexually frustrated and sad because idiots judge you cos of what you do with YOUR body, or enjoying orgasms and comfortable with, proud of, the decisions you make regarding your Self?

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“She’s an ugly bitch anyway..”

I do not associate with vain females. I’m unable to. All my female friends are attractive as well as intelligent. These are confident women who are secure in their sense of Self, yet flexible enough to learn about the World. They are wholesome individuals who you can still have wet dreams about.

Now,we all know society doesn’t really like women who “speak out of turn”. Patriarchy has conditioned people to believe women belong cloaked in insecurity, waiting on others, with no original thoughts, no voice and basically, no existence worth remembering. It’s like, if you aren’t somebody’s daughter, partner  or mother, you don’t really matter. You aren’t really seen.

But as the saying goes “Well behaved women seldom make history”, and really, none of us are trying to end up as Somebody’s Something.

As a Woman, when you start speaking, thinking, doing as you please, there will be issues.  You will scare and bother people. How dare you have an opinion?

A woman’s place is In the kitchen, didn’t you know? Spend your time on your back pleasing a man and only get up if what you’re gonna do is gonna make him even happier. If you insist on being a rebel and reading books and shit, keep it to yourself, you don’t NEED to think. You don’t NEED to have rights. You don’t need to have feelings about anything that happens that affects you. You are a mere woman. You came from a man’s rib,didn’t you know? You will eternally be Less Than.

That’s that shit though. Vocal females come under fire all the time over the tiniest of things. Society’s double standards are always ready to remind you that you are Female. Mention Feminism, you’re a Man Hater. Talk about Racism, You’re a Mad Black Woman.  Sex, you’re obviously a Slut. Hopes and dreams that don’t involve a family and servitude, you’re deranged, probably a lesbian.

In the event that you can take having this ignorance thrown your way and actually continue to explore all you are as a Woman, be ready for the personal attacks you’ll get.

I find it somewhat amusing that some men think intelligent women give a fuck about being called Ugly. Do you not understand that I know that I’m much more than my appearance? And also, in the event that I offended you,why do you find it easier to attempt to hurt me instead of simple stating that you are hurt? It’s cos you’re silly,that’s why.

I’ve seen countless situations where a male and female are having an intellectual debate,or simple disagree on something and the guy gets mad and starts hurling insults at her. “You’re an ugly bitch anyway..That’s why you’re mad. Who’ll marry you? You talk too much. Sies. Nowadays you bitches say you want equality and shit and now you wanna come up and disrespect us..”. Honey, who disrespected you and how? How is it her fault you couldn’t hold your own? Am I suddenly ugly because I disagree with you? So I would be more appealing if I was submissive and compliant..Got it.

You can tell a lot about a man and how he feels about women from the way he deals with women who think. In a “forward thinking/progressive/civilized” world, everyone is expected to move on and BE better except for women?

We say: Fuck that.

We say: Your opinion of us doesn’t matter because it’s one you’ve inherited anyway, not what you really Know and Feel.

We ask: Is it that you know our potential that lately you try so hard to break us?

We ask: What are you gonna do now that we KNOW our potential?

[And is that why rape cases are increasing lately and becoming more and more gruesome? We all know rape is about Power. Is it because they feel insecure in a world where more and more women are turning away from the Bitch role and actually Being? Are they trying to scare us into submission? Is this their panicked effort to restore their version of order? On that I will say this. Things between Men and Women are bout to get bad. Really bad.  A woman who feels threatened and KNOWS she has the potential to fight back,will.  And women already carry enough pain,anger and sometimes,hatred within. Remember that.This is the world we live in hey.]

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