Keep your Enemies close, and your Friends in the same category.

Privilege and prosperity will always bring contempt.  It’s not always a matter of people not liking you, you’re fine, you’re just a person like them. It’s the fact that you have what they don’t, are able to do what they can’t and experience what they are unable to. It’s a matter of you having/being more than them and that being a constant reminder that maybe their insecurities aren’t so baseless. Your success/ comfort in life is something they cannot relate to and therefore they will dislike you for that. For the mere fact that you are different from them in that respect.

Now I understand envy, it’s normal. You desire to have what you lack. What I don’t understand is the hatred that comes with envy lately.

 It used to be someone could look and say ” I want that..I really do. Let me see how to go about getting it.” Now it’s more “I want that. They have it. I don’t want them to, so let me find a way to take it away from them.”

If you’ve read enough of these, you know I’m from Botswana. Born and bred.  I’ve lived in Gaborone all my life. One thing people who’ve been here for long enough agree on is that this place is depressing as shit. But apparently, any other place always seems better than where you are. 

Getting genuine support here is a hassle. Damn near impossible unless you’re getting it from those who are trying to do some other shit and are also facing resistance.  A lot of people here hate to see others do better, and I don’t use that word lightly. They will stare at you in disgust as you walk by, sabotage, start rumours and befriend you just to know your weaknesses, to make sure you do not get the opportunity to be what you would like.  The energy that goes into their bullshit is amazing.

Your own family may not have your back.  And to a certain degree that’s alright because people are people before they’re your relatives/friends.  They have their own issues, desires and secrets. That’s fine. I just have an issue with the lack of respect lately, lack of trust and the fact that so many people just can’t be happy for/proud of another.. Fuck, really though, where is the love?

I thought about it. Do Black people hate to see other Black people because we feel like they sold out from the struggle? Being identified as Black has for a long time been synonymous with Struggle, Being Less Than.. Being ‘The Nigga That Made It’ pisses people off. Why you? Who the fuck are you and what do you have that they don’t? Never mind that you worked hard, we’re supposed to, it’s the Prospering bit that they don’t like.

I swear it’s the tiniest shit lately, a man smiles at you and your friend is checking for him. She will not tell you, but she will go the extra mile to be noticed by this man and in the event that they sleep together, she will feel THAT much better because she got what she thought you wanted, regardless of whether you even noticed the man or not.

When did friendly competition become an all out war? When did we stop respecting each other’s battles and hustles and decide it was easier to sabotage than work for our own? When did friendships become more like infiltrating enemy camps? Honey, when did we start being shitty? Was it around the time when ‘Fuck the world’ replaced ‘We are the world’? 

Things are all kinds of messy when you keep your truth to yourself and even those you consider close to you only get a fraction of You.

Right now, trust really is for the naive.