Mdu For Love

We live in a filthy city, and no I don’t mean the actual place itself, it’s not there yet. I’m talking about the people.  There’s a saying that in Gaborone “go bechitswe phamo” when it comes to relationships, which basically means “it’s grab and keep, and every man for himself.” Every other girl is a sidechick, knowingly or unknowingly.  Every other chap is either juggling or being juggled.  The couples that stay together are usually either pretending to be happy, stuck together because of all the time they feel they’ve put in, or fighting tooth and nail to maintain their genuine happiness and keep it from the vultures that are always looming around our social circles.

But I know nothing of long term commitments.

So here Othata, having been with her partner Mdu for 4 years and seven months this Saturday [He wanted you to know he remembers these things] shares her story and her insight on what it takes to keep a relationship going in Sodom and Gomorrah.

People have been asking for almost 5 years now, “How do you guys do it?”  It’s a question that should have a simple answer, one assumes, and yet I fail to come up with one.  For the first time in 5 years, however, I will try to give you my side.
People assume we have a movie screen romance, “love at first sight” type of thing, but that’s nowhere close to the truth. I actually used to dislike this Prince Charming of mine, before I even got to know him! He has always been popular, and at some point I couldn’t seem to breathe without hearing his name. My best friend would tell me “Dude, there’s this guy called Pops at GSS [Gaborone Secondary School], wa [of] ‘Hotboys'”.  They had to be semi attractive if they were arrogant enough to call themselves such a name, but chances were, they weren’t. I’d never liked people who were hyped up all the time, 9 out of 10 times I was always disappointed.
School would end and I’d get home, time to catch up with my cousin Epe (we lived together, the inseparable twins). I’d ask her,  “So how was school?” as she put down her GSS blazer and the first words out of her mouth would be “So today Pops did this…”   I had to hear about him everywhere I went!
Fast forward a while later, because of Epe I got to know almost half of GSS, made a lot of friends too, some people even thought I schooled there, but I never once met the infamous Pops! God does work in mysterious ways! New friendships were made, we completed High School and applied for Varsity [seems like ages ago].  During this time we were bums, the only thing we would do was go out, where we got all that money still beats me but it happened. And I’d still see everyone, except this Pops person.
We were officially introduced by my friend in ’09 when we were finally being accepted into Varsity, and my goodness, had somebody grown! He was sexy as hell.  Spiked dreadlocks, and like *counts on fingers* 10 piercings [we are grown now, I forgot] and yeah, did I mention he was sexy?
Long story short, I forgot I never liked him in the first place. The start of our relationship began to write itself.
Getting to know each other, first kiss, making it official, etc. Since I’m not trying to write a book here [I think] let me focus on how we make it work.
For the most part, it just happened, I believe it was meant to be and there was no running from it.  If you believe in Destiny, you’ll relate. I thought I had the option of being single in Varsity, what I thought would be the true meaning of “living life”, but God/The Universe laughed and said “Look at this one!”
I don’t think you can plan when you’re going to fall in love.  How or where you’re going to meet that person etc. We clicked, became the best of friends, easy as pie! But that’s the easy bit, everything else you have to work for.  Hard. There has to be effort in everything you do: communicating, trusting,  loving, caring, being there for your loved one, and although it sounds like work to many, the beauty of it is doing all this (and more) and not feeling like it’s hard work.
Whenever a couple is fighting a lot of single people think to themselves “Thank God I don’t have to deal with all that”, but in reality, people fight all the time: family, friends, etc. In my opinion it’s healthy for a relationship because after said fight you have a better understanding of each other’s points of view.  The other person’s opinion can actually better you (if you can take criticism), which results in you growing together.
The key is to form a bond with someone who betters you.
Respect is integral too. You have to learn to respect your other half, that’s the only way you can have a fight and still manage to move past it. The only way you can actualize your potential and support one another.
Another important thing you need is focus, and it has to be from both parties. You need to understand what it is you want in life, [I could give tonnes of examples here].
Does being with one person make you feel complete?
Are you in a relationship but still envy your single friends?
Are you easily influenced or do you trust and understand yourself?
Once you know the kind of focus you both have, you can determine how far your relationship goes, and if you guys share the same goals, it will probably work.
Last but not least is trust.  If you understand each other it’s easy to trust one another and you’ll realize how unnecessary it is to question everything.
What is mean to be, will be.

20 Things To Do In The Dark

Or rather, 20 things I’ve done in the dark.  Because that’s all we’ve had lately: darkness and silence.

“But don’t you live in a fairly developed country?” You ask, dear Reader.

“Why?!” You wonder.

I don’t know, man.  We have theories and mum government officials.

So here’s something to do on those days when we have no electricity for hours.

Feel free to add suggestions in the comment section.

1. Wonder how long it’ll be out for.

2. Play cards until you either win enough times to think you can be a poker champion.  Or lose enough times to go back to 1.

3. Tweet your disappointment, like a commoner.

4. Tell your pets your life story.

5. Consider becoming a political activist.

6. Picture how your life would be as Jason Statham’s wife.

7. Make a list of all the things you’d have to give up to attain that position.

8. 1 again.

9. Think about how many bjs you’d have to give in order to make sure that power cuts never occur again. [We know that’s probably not the key but.. Who knows, maybe if you give one to the right person in power..]

10. Wonder where you’d be at the current moment in time, 100 years ago.  Hunting? Pounding yam? Being sold for half a goat and kola nut?

11. Wonder if you’re prepared for a zombie apocalypse.

12. Consider getting fit. [Half a sit up does’t cut it anymore.]

13. Wonder if you’re indirectly still the White man’s slave.

14. 1 and 9.

15. 5 and 9.

16. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, wonder if you’d eat your pets.

17. Realize you have no recipes to prepare said pets.

18. Read a book.

19. Masturbate under candlelight and pretend you actually feel like being romantic. On your own. With half a candle burning. And no battery life.

20. Visit Facebook.

*Yes, I know it got grim pretty fast.

But so did our “load shedding” situation.

Kosher Nights and Better Days: Kosher turns 2

Kosher’s been the scene for many a debaucherous night for me.  I have vivid memories of shot glasses and massive bouncers.  Conversations with strangers in the bathroom and the effect dancehall has on People of Colour playing out in front of me on the dancefloor.

Shit, I even know the old lady who works at the bar and I honestly think she’s seen me so often I’d buy her a Coke if I saw her during the daylight.

If an event can be a home away from home, that’s what it’s been.

So when DJ Fauz asked me to come through and see what goes on behind the scenes, the groupie in me was ecstatic. [The writer in me.. uhh.. too. Yeah. Totally.]

The Twitter hashtag put itself together really: #hookahsandhoesatkosher.

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[As the night wore on, it proved rather..accurate.]

It was drizzling as I walked into the Cresta lobby.  Something I knew would still not deter party goers because we just live in that kind of city.  I found  set up in full swing.  The place was barren with tangled chords on the floor, the setup crew and hotel staff milling about with DJ Fauz, Ozzy the Great and Petula [Fauz’s gorgeous wife].  It felt a bit like how it must feel to wake up next to the person you might be in love with for the first time.  Here, naked, exposed and simple, you have to wonder if you’ll ever see them as flawless again.


As I tried not to panic and remember that after all this, she’d look as gorgeous as she usually does, the Marked Men crew walked in.  Chub Heightz, VH, Mak and TT looked rather domineering until they started talking.  From a Beyonce impersonation by Chub to a rather heated argument about which is better, tea or coffee, the morning was filled with laughter as speakers, lights and sets went up around us.


Tension was in the air though because this wasn’t just any random Kosher night.

Kosher was turning two.

Imagine. It’s been around as long as Blue Ivy.

By lunch time we figured it was time to calm our nerves, or start celebrating, depending on why you were there.

A Guarana and tequila shot later I was drawn out of the bar by the sound of Biggie blaring from speakers.

Ozzy The Great was going through his set and I could not wait to see how the crowd would react.  Pac, Shaggy, Biggie, a splash of old school reggae and some Busta Rhymes?!


It was pure ecstasy.

Or at least I thought so.  The patrons of the Hotel strolled about nonchalantly as I fought the urge to jump in front of one and in a scene reminiscent of something out of High School Musical, get everyone grinding and swaying.

I was ready for a 90s dance battle and all the hotel staff wanted to do was ask me if I wanted tea or coffee.


The hours passed and so did the liquor.  By 5PM I was ready to party and people, wherever in the world they were, probably weren’t even close to getting ready.  Door’s opened at 8PM and I felt hype enough to be in a Pitbull video. As people disappeared to get ready and the drinks continued to disappear within me to get me ready, the sun set. A quick dash upstairs into the hotel to freshen up and we were set.




As usual there were a few people littered about, dancing awkwardly and sipping slow.  All three rooms, the two Turn Up rooms and VIP had a visible social hierarchy set up.  The Cool Kids, the Thirsty Men, The Pseudo Celebrities, The Occasional Bad Bitches and the Rest.

A lot of men gravitated towards the game station, drunk and eager to prove their dominance over the characters and whomsoever challenged them.

The place looked gorgeous. My lover had remained her youthful vigor and now revelers marveled and spilled drinks all over her as she filled up.  She got full fast.

A few hours into the event Kosher was so full people were crowded around the stairs contemplating what to do.

Me? My camera abandoned, because I just knew my mind couldn’t pay attention to more than two objects [My phone and cup], I was dodging photos and playing a hospitable Stepford wife [albeit one in short shorts and a beanie].

Eventually I found myself seated with DJ Fauz, Mak, TT and the strikingly beautiful DJ Cupid taking vodka shots because..

Did I mention Kosher was turning two?

Because that’s like 13 in the entertainment industry.

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It turned out to be an amazing night.  From the crowd going insane when Drunk In Love dropped to me being thoroughly convinced life was meant to be lived under strobe lights, it was filled with memorable moments.  I watched like a proud mother as patrons danced in what just a few hours before was an empty, unattractive room.  I knew something they didn’t: She isn’t this gorgeous all the time.

And the appreciation I had for the team afterwards!  Who knew so much tedious work goes into bringing us a few hours of pleasure?

Two lucky attendees won P1000 apiece and I’m sure a lot of people went home having acquired something priceless too. [No, not herpes.]



Laone, one of the winners

The next morning, I woke up feeling like Ke$ha.  If a week filled with “Yo dude. Are you alright?” messages from friends and strangers alike is anything to go by, there are memories of that night that should be left in the recesses of people’s cameras.

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And did I mention the kidney infection that followed?

THAT was like contracting chlamydiae from your main chick due to your own irresponsibility.

But oh, what a wonderful ride it was, at the time.

To mark the journey that has been, I got in touch with a few people to share their Kosher memories.  Get into it below:

“The first time I went to Kosher I had no idea where I was gonna spend the night and I ended up drinking with my friends on a bench with a girl from Amsterdam.  I got so drunk I actually danced. If you know me, you’ll know why that’s horrific.  Lol. It’s my go to place in Gabs to party now.” – A White girl named Neo, Gantsi.

No, really.

“I met my girlfriend at Kosher a year ago.  S/O to Fauz for dropping the set that had her grinding on me!” – Gorata, London. 

“Kosher’s saved our night life scene, man.  I’ve been going for over a year now. That place is like home.” – Dee

“I have a love/hate relationship with that place. I always do the vilest things there. Lol. *covers face*” – Tshepo, Joburg. 

To say it’s love from us to Marked Men, Fauz, Cresta and everyone who continues to make  Kosher Sessions a possibility is an understatement.

Here’s to more years and more debauchery!

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