ignorance

It’s The Girl’s Fault, Again.

There’s a man who drives around my neighborhood every Sunday and parks at random turns waiting for young girls to walk past.  He’s old, foreign, has an odd looking beard and pulls off Creepy quite well.

Flawlessly.

I know because I’ve encountered him on too many occasions.

The first time, he was driving past my house and I was walking out. He drove past slowly,came back and asked me for directions. I gave them to him and he asked if I could accompany him. I declined and walked off. He followed me and asked if I’d like to get in his car and go where I was headed. I said no, he said it was unsafe, and I pointed out that it was 5 in the afternoon, I walked this way often and nothing had ever happened to me plus he doesn’t live in my neighborhood so he wouldn’t know. He got angry and drove off.

 

Now, as I mentioned, he’s here every Sunday. I’ve seen him try to pick up girls, and sometimes succeed.  It saddens me every time a girl gets in his car because I can only imagine what follows. For all we know he could be a rapist, a child trafficker, whatever, we’ve already established that he’s a predator.

Yesterday as my mother and I were driving home, I saw him and pointed him out to her. I told her who he was and what he does and she said “Ee,well,he has his reasons.” I stared at her and looked outside the window.

What does that mean?

He has his reasons for trolling the neighborhood for young girls. So does that mean we should understand? Is it okay?  What?

I was unable to respond to what she said because frankly, I don’t think anything she could have said to try and explain what she meant would have made a difference.

“It’s the girls. Why do they get in his car? Ba batlang? They enable him.”

This I understood. But at the same time, we need to take into account that some girls are genuinely naive. They aren’t as aware of the World’s evils as the rest of us. They actually assume that “Let me help you and drop you off where you’re going” means just that. And that’s not their fault. It’s a shame, but it’s not their fault.

The fact remains that sexual predators exist and it’s not as simple as “They exist because girls let them”. It’s not us, these people are this way on their own. It’s a fact that there are those who are willing to be a part of such people’s worlds and that’s on them, but saying “They only troll for girls because girls accept them” is ignorant.  

It’s like “He only keeps raping students because they keep coming to his office after class”.

“She only keeps abusing them because they’re left in her care”.

The World will never be lacking in victims will it?

Nor those who blame the victims, it seems.

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“It’s the foreigners, the homosexuals, the feminists and the satanists”

My people say the most ignorant things without even noticing it. I’m usually the only one who gets offended when certain comments are dropped in conversation because certain stereotypes have become the norm to mention. They are regarded as a universal truth and I find myself dumbfounded when I’m confronted with people who honestly believe what they think of the next race,tribe,gender is the Gospel. 

While visiting someone recently we struck up a conversation about how men tend to feel completely free at home, leaving the gate open while walking around at the back of the house, while a woman would make sure every door in the house is locked, lock herself in her room and spend the whole night on high alert. He responded “Ee..akere a random Zimbo guy might walk in and rape her.” To which I asked, why would he have to be Zimbabwean? 

Understand that this happens all the time in Botswana. All the damn time. Any Motswana who tells you otherwise is a liar. A lot of Batswana are convinced  those from our neighboring country are beneath us. They sneer at them in combis, they’re rude to them in Tswana, a language not all can understand. They judge them, they verbally abuse them and they are downright xenophobic.

Will they ever admit it when you call them out on it? Never. They never even have an excuse.

See, they forget that they came here for work because times were tough in Zim. That most of the time when you see them, they’re working. Most of them don’t have the luxury of being a layabout as my people like to refer to them as. Some say they’re dirty, without considering that they work for most of the day as plumbers, electricians, contractors..Where would you expect them to get the time to be as clean as you’d like them to be? 

The majority of Zimbabwean women I know have stories reminiscent of those I imagine were in The Help. They’re raped by the men of the households they work at and can’t leave because they need the job. I knew a Lady who wasn’t allowed to eat anything but bread and was made to sleep on a floor in the garage with dogs. The family she worked for were seemingly morally correct, humane, progressive thinkers, and yet this is how they treated someone who they regarded as “different”.

At my cousin’s graduation party a few years ago, one of my aunts [those who you don’t really know how you’re related to but, whatever] said to my cousin, who’s the last born in his family, during her speech “Please delay moving out because we don’t want your parents to have to rent out the back to some Zimbabweans.” My two uncles, who’re from Uganda, and myself, were the only ones who flinched. I remember thinking “How can she be so old yet so dumb?” and getting up mid speech and leaving.

Do you understand how you look? Forget that though. Do you understand what you are? Listen. Insert that profound saying about logs, twigs and eyes here.

You guys are spoiled and with a false sense of importance and you know it even if you’ll never say it. Your kids are the ones drunk driving and killing people. They’re the ones  having kids left, right and center for the sake of hosting baby showers. The failure rates at our schools are disgusting. Our water, electricity and food ain’t shit and you still have the confidence to go on and look down upon others? Y’all though.

But no, it isn’t just about the xenophobia here.

It’s comments like “The gays are the reasons I can’t watch TV anymore. They’re everywhere.” and “Kids are failing at school because they’re turning gay”. 

“The feminists that are sprouting up everywhere are the reason why real men are raping. They must be put in their place.” 

“I can’t love nor respect a woman who doesn’t know that her place is beneath me. I’ll beat her into submission.”

“Nna mme ga ise ke mmone a itira monna. Ke tlebe ke batlang mo mosading oo sa itseng gore ke mosadi? Banyana ba Gaborone tlhe lea i’classa. Dilo tse di rata dilo.”

And the “Satanist” stamp that’s thrown around.. People are so silly, my goodness.  It doesn’t occur to them that in the event that someone even is Satanist, it’s a religion as is yours. But no, you’d rather use your internet connection to make an apple appear to be an orange rather than Google the characteristics of oranges wouldn’t you?

I had an experience a while ago whereby my ex attempted to pray for me and accused me of trying to steal his Soul because I went to his house wearing all black. Let me repeat that: Because I was wearing all black.

The ignorance defeats me. I cannot count the number of times I hear someone speak on a a taxi and all I can think is “Why are you like this? And aren’t you ashamed? Don’t you want to know better? Why is this The End for you?”

Ignorance is not bliss. The idiots annoy the shit out of the rest of us who’re trying to know and do better. 

I’m saying, what you’ve been taught is not what is. Is that hard for you to fathom?

I’m saying, you need to read. Learn about the World. Learn about anything and everything.

And lastly, think. Just bloody think.

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Getting Bi

“I don’t understand bisexual people. They’re greedy. Unnatural too. How can you be attracted to both sexes? No. It’s just wrong.”

Every morning I wake up and wish people wouldn’t speak unless they had something worth listening to to say. Every morning I realize people cling on to their ignorance with all they have.

Is it wrong for me to think there’s a slight case of homophobia coming from those who are against bisexual people? Because the issue isn’t that you’re a woman attracted to men, it’s that you’re a woman attracted to men, AND women, or vice versa in the case of bisexual males. 

Personally I’ve always known I was attracted to both sexes. It’s never been taboo to me because growing up I just was, what society told me was right/wrong only really became a factor later on in life and even then, as I reached my teens, I found myself quite resistant to having my desires  placed in a box by people I considered bland.

As I’ve grown I’ve encountered all kinds of people. The “You can’t be bisexual, you’re Black, that’s a White thing” people. The “You probably just want an excuse to be a whore” people.  The “Oh..That’s dope. Call your other friends who’re like you and let’s have a threesome” men, there’s never a shortage of those. And mostly the “No, you’re confused. You just need the right man” people. 

How hard is it to understand that as you love a man, another man loves another man? As you love a woman, another woman loves another woman? What you see in their sex, another of the same sex does too. What is so mind blowing about affection? What about attraction can’t be explained?

I’ve found that it’s harder to be a bisexual male than a female though.  Bisexual females are considered freaks, nymphs. Very few people have an issue with them. Due to the fact that masculinity is basically placed next to Godliness by most people, the moment a male even exhibits any sign of comfort with his desires/habits other men are quick to label him effeminate, and bash him because of his “bitch like” behaviour. I mean, we’re the generation that decided we could determine a person’s sexual orientation by what colour shoes he wears. 

I have very few straight friends. Most of them are either bisexual, gay or lesbian. It’s not that I went and handpicked them based on their sexual orientation, it’s just that they have a better understanding of things, tolerance, they are way more open minded than a lot of the straight people I know and when it comes to the growth process, I’d prefer to have people around me who will understand and reassure when it’s necessary rather than those who will tell me how I “should” be.

I had someone at some point come to me and tell me “You have too many gay friends” to which I responded “You have too many straight friends.” He was rather hostile to all the people I brought around and I figured out why but waited for him to tell me. Eventually he got drunk and tearfully told me he was bisexual, although his attraction to males was stronger than his attraction to females, but was forced to act straight because he feared rejection from his friends, family and fan base [He’s a rapper]. I understood why and I promise you after we discussed it and he realized I was rather uninterested in judging him for the man he is, he was, and still is, noticeably happier. 

I wish a lot of people understood from an early age that most people are simpletons. They do not think because they think it’s not their place to. They do not accept what’s new unless everyone else does and nobody’s ever willing to be the pioneer when they know they will face resistance. People are quick to live by a book written thousands of years ago but will never look into the history of those who actually LIVED thousands of years ago. They don’t want to believe homosexuality predates their religious doctrines. That there were other civilizations other than the ones they write about. It’s too much for them to consider.

There’s nothing unnatural about how you are. Ignorance is unnatural as far as I’m concerned. There is no reason to feel shame for who you are. None. There is no deity who will detest you for being as you are if you believe you’re it’s creation and were made in it’s image. There is no “tolerant, loving” religion that will not let you be. There is nothing new nor different nor unacceptable about you. 

As the saying goes though “there’s nothing new under the sun”. We should accept that there will always be people who will not be willing to let others live as they please, even if it harms no one. There will always be those who will refuse logic and want to live as they’ve been told to. But they have nothing to do with you. Be. Just be. As I like to say, shame is for the ugly. 

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Pro Choice = Anti Life? Bitch, please.

I feel a certain way about being told what to do with my vagina.

I feel a certain way about people imposing their beliefs on me.

I feel a certain way about being judged for making a decision based on what I know and feel.

I feel a certain way about abortion, Life, choice, rights and the government.

While having a conversation with a friend she told me that there’re places that use Dettol antiseptic liquid for abortions. As in, they basically pour that into your vagina and wait for the rest to happen. I know of people who drink water boiled with 5 thebes for this too. Some women use coat hangers, others drink poison. It’s all just a fucking mess.

Now,I’m from Botswana, and here abortion is illegal.  People bring up such issues as It being murder, it being immoral. It’s a child.. If you didn’t want the baby you shouldn’t have had sex..Oh so what if you’re dirt broke and won’t be able to support it? Bring it into the world. So what if you were raped and will possibly hate the child? Bring it into the world.

Because all humans have rights, including those who haven’t seen the light of day, except for women who want to decide what to do with their bodies and their lives.

Listen.

Sex gets messy. Life gets messy. Sometimes, you end up in situations you didn’t bargain for.  We know this.

You believe Life begins the moment the sperm fertilizes the egg, someone else believes it’s when the limbs form and another, when the child is born. We do not think alike, but many are on a bid for us to.

Now, I don’t have an issue with us viewing things differently. I have an issue with people forcing others to be like them and not respecting the fact that they have the right to make their own decisions, as seems to be the norm.

You don’t know nor understand WHY these ladies do as they do. And you don’t seem to understand that in fact, no, abortion is not a luxury. It’s not cute. It’s not like deciding to blow your nose. These women know there’s a baby inside them, a life growing, and choosing to terminate that for whatever reason is NEVER an easy decision to make.

Don’t you think there’s shame at some point,maybe? Indecision? Fear? Guilt?

I think a lot of people throw their judgement around because they think other people lack a conscience. No. We have consciences just as we have rational thoughts and emotions. And you..you are a bunch of cows really.

Being a “Christian” country I assume it’s illegal here for the above stated reasons. Hypocritical leaders are a problem. I promise you, it’s not that THEY don’t get their lovers to abort the children they make, they do..It’s just that making it okay here would anger the people and despite the fact that we know the people never really have a say in shit at the end of the day, we don’t make it happen.

I don’t understand why, to appear morally correct and “fair” to society, you want others to bring children into this world who may be unwanted, may grow up to be abused and will probably lack the things other kids have [affection, resources,etc].

Why force someone to care for something they view as an inconvenience?  You know how people react in situations they don’t like..Plus, in an overpopulated world anyway, where people are starving and shit is just all kinds of fucked u…just, why?

People don’t think. Nor do they respect those who do.

It’s fucked up that a group of people who are only a fraction of our population get to tell us how to live and we think they’re superior to us.

It’s fucked up that there are women dying because a few still wanna hold on to their “morality”.

And the judgement..Is stupid.

The situation is sad.

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Why I’ll never tell my kids to Obey..

“The Bible says you must honour, respect and obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you with many more years..”

Evidently this Lady had gone temporarily deaf when I told her that I am not Christian and did not choose the Bible as a manual on How To Live. No, she hadn’t heard that so I repeated it and she told me one day I’d find God. Like I needed him and my Life is a complete mess. 

But that’s not what got me in a frenzy..

It was the “…obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you..”.

My immediate thought was “Do you know how much damage obeying has done to people? Kids? Society?” I understood why she said what she did. Obeying and following are all she herself knows..But how she could say that with a straight face knowing full and well that we live in the kind of society where people constantly take advantage of the malleable was beyond me.I thought she was ignorant for that. How can you still be telling kids to blindly follow knowing full and well there are more than enough people seeking to harm them?

I made a choice a while ago to never teach my kids that they have to obey anything that doesn’t resonate with their Spirit. To trust their gut instinct whether that means not getting in a car with an aunt or not writing that composition piece in the class with a bullshit title.

I decided I’d rather have a child that makes others uncomfortable because they aren’t easily influenced, and know themselves, are confident within themselves, than another one of the picture perfect kids. 

This was some time after I got tired of hearing the kids with the tragic stories and their reason for ending up in these situations being “He was older and I was scared” or “..Because I was told to.”

The servile walk into Misery and don’t even KNOW they’re there. Why bring my child into the world only to prepare them to be a victim?

I’m saying this with no child to hold..So maybe it’ll be different when I do..

But I doubt it.

Do you understand you’re teaching your child “You have no say in anything and don’t think you do because you are small..There will always be someone better than, bigger than, smarter than you..and you should remain beneath them because there is where your place lies?”

How is that even okay?

I can’t.

Anything that teaches you to NOT be proud of yourself, NOT take responsibility and NOT do as you feel, I’m against. 

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“She’s an ugly bitch anyway..”

I do not associate with vain females. I’m unable to. All my female friends are attractive as well as intelligent. These are confident women who are secure in their sense of Self, yet flexible enough to learn about the World. They are wholesome individuals who you can still have wet dreams about.

Now,we all know society doesn’t really like women who “speak out of turn”. Patriarchy has conditioned people to believe women belong cloaked in insecurity, waiting on others, with no original thoughts, no voice and basically, no existence worth remembering. It’s like, if you aren’t somebody’s daughter, partner  or mother, you don’t really matter. You aren’t really seen.

But as the saying goes “Well behaved women seldom make history”, and really, none of us are trying to end up as Somebody’s Something.

As a Woman, when you start speaking, thinking, doing as you please, there will be issues.  You will scare and bother people. How dare you have an opinion?

A woman’s place is In the kitchen, didn’t you know? Spend your time on your back pleasing a man and only get up if what you’re gonna do is gonna make him even happier. If you insist on being a rebel and reading books and shit, keep it to yourself, you don’t NEED to think. You don’t NEED to have rights. You don’t need to have feelings about anything that happens that affects you. You are a mere woman. You came from a man’s rib,didn’t you know? You will eternally be Less Than.

That’s that shit though. Vocal females come under fire all the time over the tiniest of things. Society’s double standards are always ready to remind you that you are Female. Mention Feminism, you’re a Man Hater. Talk about Racism, You’re a Mad Black Woman.  Sex, you’re obviously a Slut. Hopes and dreams that don’t involve a family and servitude, you’re deranged, probably a lesbian.

In the event that you can take having this ignorance thrown your way and actually continue to explore all you are as a Woman, be ready for the personal attacks you’ll get.

I find it somewhat amusing that some men think intelligent women give a fuck about being called Ugly. Do you not understand that I know that I’m much more than my appearance? And also, in the event that I offended you,why do you find it easier to attempt to hurt me instead of simple stating that you are hurt? It’s cos you’re silly,that’s why.

I’ve seen countless situations where a male and female are having an intellectual debate,or simple disagree on something and the guy gets mad and starts hurling insults at her. “You’re an ugly bitch anyway..That’s why you’re mad. Who’ll marry you? You talk too much. Sies. Nowadays you bitches say you want equality and shit and now you wanna come up and disrespect us..”. Honey, who disrespected you and how? How is it her fault you couldn’t hold your own? Am I suddenly ugly because I disagree with you? So I would be more appealing if I was submissive and compliant..Got it.

You can tell a lot about a man and how he feels about women from the way he deals with women who think. In a “forward thinking/progressive/civilized” world, everyone is expected to move on and BE better except for women?

We say: Fuck that.

We say: Your opinion of us doesn’t matter because it’s one you’ve inherited anyway, not what you really Know and Feel.

We ask: Is it that you know our potential that lately you try so hard to break us?

We ask: What are you gonna do now that we KNOW our potential?

[And is that why rape cases are increasing lately and becoming more and more gruesome? We all know rape is about Power. Is it because they feel insecure in a world where more and more women are turning away from the Bitch role and actually Being? Are they trying to scare us into submission? Is this their panicked effort to restore their version of order? On that I will say this. Things between Men and Women are bout to get bad. Really bad.  A woman who feels threatened and KNOWS she has the potential to fight back,will.  And women already carry enough pain,anger and sometimes,hatred within. Remember that.This is the world we live in hey.]

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