Fuck you, Pay Me: On Business, Sex Work and Courting

I often find myself discussing sex work with possible suitors.  Probably a cringe worthy notion to some. Why would you discuss sex work with a man who’s trying to woo you? Won’t that dissuade him?

2 things.

1.   I don’t really care if it does.

2. I’ve found a person’s opinion on something like sex work says a lot about their mindset.

It’s no secret to those that know me that in the future I would love to actively work in the sex industry.  Now here, for most people, their first thought is “She wants to be a prostitute” because to them, it is the end all, be all of sex work.  This thought is usually followed by “Why would a sane [haha, I haven’t been that in YEARS] seemingly normal person willingly want to be a streetwalker?” and when we get here, I have to turn back and explain a few things.

Sex has never been taboo for me. As far back as I can remember, it’s always fascinated me beyond the prepubescent frenzy things kids shouldn’t know causes.  I’ve always wanted to understand it, how it makes people feel, what it does, the effect it has on the body and the mind.  As much as many over the years tried to dissuade me from viewing it in a non taboo way, it hasn’t worked.

I still marvel at how something so simple, so natural, has so much power.  How cleavage can cause a ruckus.  How the female body can be seen as both the Devil’s playground and  a mecca for society at large.  How a man’s body is viewed by society as a Temple, a pillar, no matter how ugly it is.  How the meeting of these two, for pleasure, for financial gain, with consent or without, is viewed  by society.  What it means.

My views on sex were never as simple as “It should only be had by people in love”.  Bodies were Legos to me.  Where’s the fun in only joining the two pieces that fit exactly together? What can you learn from that? What does it create?

Because I appreciated sex, I appreciated those who had it.  You can’t love the product and hate the producer.  Sex workers, to me, were kindred spirits.  I read about them, I watched movies about them, I wanted to know their stories, their backgrounds, who they were beyond what society says.


And I did.

And the more I understood, the more at home I felt.

I’ve often told people, writing about sex isn’t something I chose, it chose me.  The life that I live is conducive for that and honestly, it comes too effortlessly for me to NOT think it’s one of the things I’m meant to do in Life.

Oprah, Karrine Steffans and Asa Akira are the closest to role models I’ve ever had.  People worlds apart who fit perfectly in my mind when it comes to my goals.  All three women have been trail blazers in their respective fields and are celebrated worldwide for their achievements.

Oprah has an award winning mouth, Asa an award winning anus and Karrine, an award winning mind.

I deem them all glorious.


I’ve met so many women over the course of my writing career who just needed some reassurance.  A helping hand, an ear. Understanding.  And I have related to each and every one of them.

I have friends who are sex workers and I have friends who are chaste and unapproachable on the subject.  I have seen both sides and I judge neither.

A lot of people use the law to shit on the credibility of sex work.  People who watch pornography and listen to urban pop stars and have galleries full of scantily clad women will be the first to spit on a prostitute should they meet one.  Or judge women with Sugar Daddies.

A person with a favourite pornstar will be the first to yell out how whores are disgusting.

The cold, cold irony.

They pick what makes them feel morally clean without logically and critically thinking of their statements.

An escort and a porn star aren’t worlds apart.

A street walker and a stripper one can pay a little extra for other favours aren’t worlds apart.

Hell, the modern day pop star isn’t all that different from a stripper.


They all deserve respect but a lot of people don’t see this. Even in the sex industry itself there’s classism.   The porn star will think she’s better than the prostitute.  The lady with the sugar daddy will think she’s smarter than the stripper.

And that is honestly how a lot of people are.

When people ask me with thinly veiled contempt if I’d be a prostitute my response is “I wouldn’t particularly WANT to go into that avenue, I’d rather be an escort but hey..” And it’s not a classist issue for me. Hell, it’s not even a safety issue per se because at the end of the day you end up behind closed doors with a stranger.  Escorting would just be way more convenient.

No, I’m in no way trying to gloss over the problems sex workers face.  The abuse, the rapes, the loneliness and solitude, the shit side of it, but I’m saying, as a society, viewing them as unworthy of compassion or understanding, as less than, because they do what they do, is grossly hypocritical considering that in one way or the other, everyone is connected to the billion dollar industry that is.

Sex work stories need to be told.

Not just porn star memoirs, we need more honest depictions from both those who joined it out of necessity and those who joined it of their own accord. We need to make this a safer place, a stigma free place, for those who partake in it.  And I want to be a part of that transition. A part of that change.

First and foremost I dedicate what I do to educating and assisting. I’ve found I make the little difference that I do through relaying honest experiences and sharing what I’ve learned, and that isn’t changing.

That isn’t changing and I need possible suitors to understand that my mission, my journey in Life, though not set in stone, has a path, and what’s on it may not always be peachy and mainstream.

I don’t desire the “Sex work is disgusting” men. I don’t desire anyone who has a problem with what other people do to survive and thrive, that doesn’t affect them.

And so the “I’d pay for sex but sex work is immoral” people are written off.

So are the “Why don’t you do something more noble?” people.

People need protection and they need someone in their corner.  They need understanding. They need to be heard.  What they do with their bodies does not suddenly rob them of their rights, contrary to what a lot of Governments and society tends to assume.

So, if I do become a full fledged Whore, I will do so wholeheartedly. Because what is ownership of one’s self if what one does is still dictated by everyone else?

Superhead: The Brains, The Brilliance and The Blowjobs

As a woman in this society your sexual exploits tend to infamously stick with you til your dying day.  Clinton will be remembered as the President who got head in the Oval office. Monica Lewinsky, the naive, home wrecking cock sucker. Marilyn Monroe will be remembered for her beauty and skill, as well as allegedly sleeping with both the Kennedy brothers. Rihanna’s broken records and made more money than the average person’s great grandchildren combined will probably ever make, but most pop culture enthusiasts are more concerned with whose hotel room she was seen walking out of than her net worth.

This is how it is.

I’ve always loved the Mary Magdalenes of the world. Someone needs to love the “hoes” Snoop Dogg encouraged everyone to leave out in the cold.  I always want to know who they are, where they came from and what they want out of Life.  I always want to know the person behind the vilified persona.



I first heard her name on Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far”. I had no idea who she was nor what she did, really. I just assumed she was a random video girl with a skill. After doing a bit of research, the crevices of the Internet proved I was right about one of those assumptions.  The name stands for what she’s [in]famous for and that’s how the average person seems to want to know and remember her, it seems.

So imagine my surprise to find that Karrine “Superhead” Steffans is actually a best selling author, entrepreneur, mother, certified Interior Designer and more.


That’s the shit they never tell you. That she wasn’t just a nympho hopping from video set to video set looking for victims, she was actually only on the scene for a year or so.  No one discusses her achievements since then nor how she became who she is.  No one gives her her props and most would sooner call her “the bitch who snitched”, rather than “the Island girl who wrote a book and ended up on Oprah”.


The media focuses more on her tumultuous relationship with Lil Wayne than anything else, really, and so what did she do? Write about it. [How To Make Love To A Martian].


I’m currently on my fourth book by her [The Vixen Diaries] and I absolutely adore her way of writing.  Her matter of fact way of telling her story and the introspection that comes with them have me hooked.  I’ve found reading her work to be akin to listening to an older sister tell you about life and recently, decor.

Karrine, to me, is a perfect example of the duality that exists in any woman.  She’s been strong and brave enough to NOT be boxed in by society’s definition of who a woman can and can’t be.  She’s intelligent, she’s gorgeous and she’s focused.  In my most indecisive moments I’ve found solace and guidance in her words.

She’s amazing, and although I don’t agree with all the things she says, I can’t deny that I feel that she’s a voice many a young woman need to hear.

Follow Karrine on Twitter: @KarrineandCo

And check out her site: http://karrineandco.com

karrine interview