religion

Botswana to pregnant women: “You’re either a mother or a murderer.”

Currently, the average sexually active Tswana woman’s choices are rather grim should she fall pregnant and not want to keep the baby, for whatever reason:

  1. Have the baby
  2. Have the baby and give it to someone to take care of
  3. Have an unsafe abortion
  4. Resort to whatever comes to mind to “fix” the situation

All of which are rather damaging emotionally, physically or both.  These women feel powerless and misinformed, and society tells them “You’re either going to be a mother or a murderer.”

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Red Light Special

“Dude, I’m so horny but I’m on my period.”

“So?”

“What do you mean so?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Eeew. You mean..? No. Eeew.”

 

What? No really, what is it?

See I could understand being iffy about having sex with another person while on your cycle. It’s not everyone who’s willing to run the red light, so to speak, but what of masturbation? Is it also taboo during that time of the month?

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We’re led to believe menstruation is filthy, and well, it isn’t the most glamorous time really.  I can often be found moaning about how it looks like a Spartan battle field down there when it’s particularly bad. However, I no longer feel the shame and emotional discomfort associated with my menstrual cycle.

The Bible tells us a woman on her cycle is “unclean” and to be avoided.

Our mothers treat it as a secret. A cross we must silently carry in our wombs.

Our partners more often than not are grossed out by it. It’s  foreign territory to them that they don’t need to explore, nor acknowledge.

And we take all of this in and internalize it.

We keep the shame, the silence and start to feel that way our own selves.

Is the fact that it’s blood what truly offends people?

Something so normal for any woman, something we will have to  experience for approximately 40 years after reaching puberty, is still considered “disgusting” yet we don’t feel the same of urinating.

Why does your menstrual cycle have to bring about despair and torture?

I mean, you feel bloated, hot flashes, you’re hungry and irritable and you deny yourself the simplest little pleasure you can give yourself too? An orgasm?

The fact is, it is your vagina, your blood, your pleasure.

To love yourself, your vagina and your pleasure, means to be with it through all it’s transformations.

What is the real shame behind pleasuring yourself  whenever you want to?

Is it the blood? Because there are tampons for that.  A shower, tampon applicator and clit rub away lies momentary relief from the vile feeling of discomfort.

Orgasms actually relieve menstrual cramps, and I personally look at them as.. making love to yourself.

So why not make love to yourself when you need it the most?

When you’re feeling disgusting and undesirable?

Wouldn’t that be the best time for said.. comforting?

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Grown women are taught to repress their postpubescent body or hide it. When you start puberty and you start growing hair you’re taught to shave it, because no one’s supposed to see it. With your period, it’s something that you conceal—no one’s supposed to know. It’s almost pedophilic—and I don’t want to throw that word around. But this feminine ideology we have, of the woman being a prepubescent girl, is how we’re taught to change our bodies. – Petra Collins*

*Petra recently designed the above line drawing for American Apparel. An image that caused quite an uproar and has been described as “vile”, “disgusting” and “obscene”.

In an interview with Vice she said “That we’re so shocked and appalled at something that’s such a natural state—and it’s funny that out of all the images everywhere, all of the sexually violent images, or disgustingly derogatory images, this is something that’s so, so shocking apparently. ” It makes one realize, as a society, we’re almost always focused on the wrong thing, huh?

 

Spare The Rod, Spoil The Brat

At some point in time it was decided that children had so many rights that parents were only entitled to one: The right to appease them.  The child had the right to happiness, so spoil them, don’t discipline them, and shift the whole balance of power around to the point where all lines are blurred.  As a result a lot of parents ended up practicing what some refer to as Passive Parenting.  

Despite the fact that my brother and I aren’t what I deem that far apart in age, we’ve been raised completely different.  It’s said that the first child is always the Experiment. Parents try out what they’ve learned over the years on you, sometimes they coddle you other times they neglect you. Sometimes they appease you, other times they shame you for even having any desires. Honestly, the First Child gets it all and if you don’t end up as a basket case, I’m proud of you. 

The Second Child [Which in this case, is my brother, and the last] gets it much easier. See, by this time, Dr Phil and some magazine advice column have told your parents the “right” way to raise children. The right way entails more “communication” than action. More “bonding” than raising and guiding. Frankly, more talk than action. 

As it tends to happen with lines from the Bible, someone decided “Spare the rod, spoil the child” meant just that: Be your child’s bitch, and as it often happens again, everyone followed blindly. 

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All too often I find myself in the middle of arguments between my mother and my brother.  My 11 year old brother yelling at my 50 year old mother to keep quiet and let him speak as I count the number of times I would have slapped him for every single wayward comment he makes. 

I intervene. 

I put him in his place.

I remind him to respect his elders.

I discipline him.

I explain things to him.

And I’m disgusted.

They’re raising a little asshole.

I believe parenting is more raising an adult than raising a child. You don’t coddle an idiot, breed unsavory behaviour then think one day when they get a college degree it will change. 

You don’t raise an entitled, disrespectful control freak then think one day he’ll be a decent human being. 

You cannot raise a tiny douchebag and expect him to be a Prince.

And my mother tells me she doesn’t believe in hitting children so what else is there?

Being quick to raise your hand when your child messes up isn’t always the solution but it’s not the Evil deed it’s been made to seem either.

Hitting your child once in a while will not lead to you paying for counselling sessions in the future and nor will it turn them into a serial killer. We were hit and we turned out just fine. [Kind of, but, you know..Our problems don’t stem from being disciplined “too much”.]

My mother didn’t have to hit me for me to respect her.

She didn’t terrorize me. 

Contrary to popular belief, Black parents aren’t irrational tyrants who keep us all in line with belts and cuss words. 

I respected her as a provider, as a care taker, as my mother, as someone who knew more than I did. It was only when I became a teenager that I started talking back and engaging in dialogue with her and even then, it was to understand things. [Of course teenage angst played a part in me trying to come for my mother’s wig sometimes but..hey..It happens.] 

I didn’t respect my parents out of fear, I respected them because I understood the contribution that they made to my Life. I also respected them because they wouldn’t expect anything less from me.

Now? Not so much.

When did our parents start raising full out unapologetic brats and why?

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Was it when people started using half baked psychological knowledge to explain their wayward behaviour?

Did the stories of serial killers whose mothers physically abused them scare ours into believing every single slap would make your child a psychopath?

Who do you blame when your child knows you’re afraid of them and so takes advantage? Who do you get mad at?

Who’s at fault when you were so busy out buying books from people who don’t know your family, some of which have no kids themselves, that you built no relationship with your child?

Who do you blame when you realize by the time they’re a teen, you can’t really do much?

What are you going to do when you realize you’re not really a parent and are now merely someone to finance their lifestyle and teach them how to be a dick?

A Letter from Society, to you: How dare you have confidence?

Kids, let me tell you the key to getting along with a lot of people. A rather simple tweak to your current attitude towards Life that may have been hindering you from making friends who’re comfortable around you and keeping you from lovers who might adore you..

Have low self esteem. 

I know, I know..everyone’s telling you to have more confidence right? Believe in yourself and know your worth right? But let me tell you what happens when you do. 

 

Relationships

Everybody knows all strong, intelligent women die and end up as Madea characters in Heaven. And I don’t mean the lead. No, the odd looking sister who has a story but not enough of one for us to bother with the details. The one who ends up broken and finds love with a broke bus driver who only has poetry and Chinese take-out to offer. That one.

How do you avoid this?

Downplay all your talent and prowess.

The only things you should openly admit to being good at are keeping quiet and listening, cooking and cleaning. Don’t you know that it’s 2013 and the only time a woman should exercise her Freedom is when it’s appealing to a man? When you step out of your comfort zone [In the kitchen, on your knees] to have a threesome or, in a rather daring move, share a beer with him. 

People don’t like partners with opinions [contrary to theirs], I thought Steve Harvey already told you. Did you skip the “How to stop thinking and finally keep a man” chapter? Honestly. How will you ever fulfill yours and every other woman’s dream of settling down with a man who’ll stifle your ambition and mould you into a younger version of his mother that he can fuck with all that independence? 

It simply will not occur. 

Have you seen those women who prioritize, put themselves first and hold their heads high? Comfortable in their knowledge of Self and worth? 

Who wants them? I mean.. Assuming they want one, they usually end up with supportive, equally strong partners who’re on their wavelength but..Who’s willing to wait for that long right? 

Be a good little girl and think you’re nothing more than a servile creature, created from a part of a Man that he didn’t necessarily need, and go forth. 

Body Image 

No decent woman is comfortable with her body. Only sluts are, and you don’t wanna be that, do you? I thought not. Hate your body. Tell yourself you will always need more here and less there. Hide it. Have sex in the dark and ask your partner to keep their hands on your neck or in yours. If they can’t, to themselves. Cover up or show too much in a form of emotional torture only you feel the full impact of.

Never be content.

Never be happy. 

Hate parts of yourself passionately, with dedication, it’s what you’ve been taught to do, so do it.

Laugh it off in public as you discuss it with equally insecure friends, seeking reassurance and not finding it from those as broken as you. 

Tell yourself this is your Life. As it should be. 

Work and Passion

Don’t be a bitch. I know that Lady wrote that book about why men love bitches but I promise you, it’s a lie.  You’ll just be the assertive..I mean, angry..woman  bitch in the office earning more than the men, skipping between your e-mail tab and your vibrator order form.  

You don’t need success in the workplace. Come on, we leave that for Beyonce. You, dear honey, sweet thing, only need to do enough to get by. You might mess around and actually achieve all you want, which might in turn scare all your potential suitors, meaning you’ll be alone and shame your parents. Don’t do it.

When applying for a job, put the basics. “Works well with others..Can work for long periods of time without supervision” you know, that. Don’t appear spectacular. Don’t show the world you actually can do anything, and do it exceptionally well at that. That’s showing off, at the very least, being proud, and that, Lady considering speaking out of turn, is for men. Confidence and drive are for men.

They don’t call it having “balls” for no reason. 

Be modest.

Be chaste. 

Say you aren’t as amazing as you are.

Say your work isn’t all that good.

Say the world could do without what you contribute it. 

People will love you. 

– Signed with Love,

Society and The Patriarchy 

 

They will love that you’re a woman who “knows her place”.  One who they don’t deem threatening, one who won’t change anything. A safe place.

They will adore you.

They will love you so much they’ll all pile onto you at once, seeking to get a piece of you, ripping you apart and keeping souvenirs. 

Some will take your last bit of Confidence. Others your hope. Others your sense of Self. Everyone will have pieces of you and all you will have left is your reflection.

But hey, at least they’ll love you, right? 

Right?

 

 

Mama said

  1. Never show a man you love him too much. They will see this and take advantage of it knowing you won’t leave.
  2. Never love a man too much i.e more than yourself. He can never give you more than you can give yourself for as long as you can.
  3. When you cook maize meal, add a bit of salt and oil.
  4. Your marriage won’t be worth much if your partner isn’t worth much. If you insist on settling down, let your partner build you.
  5. Take care of your body. Especially your figure and your skin. Your whole appearance as a Woman shows how you feel about yourself and has the power to give you the confidence you need.
  6. Buy attractive lingerie for yourself, not to show it off to someone else.
  7. Family is everything. Friends come and go but if you find those worth keeping, do so. 
  8. Never let another person steal your joy. 
  9. Buy pretty bedding.
  10. Sometimes you need to pray. [Or as I call it, Talk to the Air.]

 

Sound advice, she’s tried.

 

But as I found myself thinking about my future children, especially my daughters, I grew distressed trying to figure out what to teach them and how.

See, I believe my mother didn’t teach me what I feel my daughter should know. And I understand why. For her, some of the greatest lessons have come about through trial and error and being reactive to certain situations which, probably could have been avoided had one of us been proactive, but I understand because she isn’t as vocal as I am and hope to be by the time I have kids. 

She didn’t tell me that boys would lie until I’d already been lied to and led down undesirable paths in the name of Love.

She didn’t prepare me for the emotional Beast I’d become once a month when my hormones kick in.  The Education system failed me here too. Y’all just made it seem like a bit of bleeding, not cramps that feel like a kick to the vagina resulting in what looks like a Spartan battlefield on a good/bad day. The anger, emotional texts to Ex’s [although that could just be me] none of that.

She didn’t tell me that as a female, you’re a walking target. I guess I understand why. My mother doesn’t really see things the way that I do. She still victim blames, I admit, but a lot of her generation does. Also, I doubt she would have wanted me to grow up looking over my shoulder expecting to have something happen but, I feel it’s something every girl should know. Rather rob them of their childhood with honesty than have them end up in a situation far worse because they were naive.

Pregnancy scares. We don’t discuss those obviously. I doubt we ever will, but I want to with my daughter. I guess we’ll squeeze it into the Sex Talk.  One of the few times we discussed pregnancy I brought up abortion and my mother was mortified. “We don’t kill what God creates” she said. I laughed and said those are her views and we’d need to be logical and consider whether bringing a child into the world would be the best thing. She said I was speaking like the Devil, which amused me. I know though that I don’t want my daughter feeling obligated to keep a child because of emotional blackmail. I want her, should she find herself in that position, to make an informed decision.

She never told me to know when to leave a man, I found that out the hard way.  

I learned that one should avoid patriarchal men like the plague out in the world too. My daughter will know the same. Although I guess the “Have a partner who builds you” part covered that.

Cook because you want to, not because you have to, for someone else. I hate that. Having to interrupt your time of doing Peaceful Nothing to fix a meal for someone who’ll probably decide it’s not worth it and sleep by the time you’re done. 

I believe Sundays are peaceful. For solitude and everything else you want. Sundays are Selfish days, to be worshiped. I’ll tell my daughter. 

Mama always wanted a happy family that bonds over dinner and cooks together and laughs all the time and such. We are the exact opposite. She knows her children love her but I always tell her, personally, I don’t feel the need to always be in my family’s presence. I spend a fair amount of time alone and there isn’t anything wrong. She says it’ll lead to me being in an unhappy household, I tell her I don’t want to raise kids  who are dependent on another person for comfort, it’s simply how I am. 

I drink quite a bit. I drink when I’m sad, when I’m happy and when I’m excited. No, it isn’t as often as you may think, but beer, wine, straights, they all get a pass with me. And no I don’t get sloppy drunk unless I’m home and with close friends, and even then, I never want to because I always want to know everyone is alright. My mother drinks a few glasses of wine every two months and thinks I’m an alcoholic. Dear Future Daughter, drink if you want to, just don’t be a fuck up.

Religion. If you haven’t figured it out by now, she’s religious. Christian. I was once, and then I read too many books and thought too much to continue believing in a White man in the Sky and virgins giving birth to Saviors. I hope my daughter isn’t religious, I won’t lie. Spiritual, yes please. But that’s her choice to make. 

Sexuality. I’m guessing you can figure out mother’s views on that. Marriage, monogamy, kids, the basics. I still have to explain to her how gay people have sex sometimes when she’s drunk and curious but thank god she’s not a homophobe. I want my daughter to do with her body as she pleases, to own herself.

I will stress the importance of an education. Not just degrees, they’re nice, but to be smart and know the world, understand people, understand yourself. Nothing’s more depressing than a person with a degree and an empty head, there’re too many running around.

I want her to know she’s always stronger than she knows and sometimes, than she wants to be, and her mother was too. 

I want her to know that Love is everything. And true Love, for anything or anyone, should never leave you feeling Less Than in anyway. 

And that mistakes happen and there is no shame in Living. 

I hope I raise a little Warrior. A beauty. An Amazonian Princess honestly. A woman who could have held her own had she been born in Sparta. Someone like Cleopatra. One who walks with pride and is firm in her knowledge of Self and depends on no none, needs no one, who isn’t worth it. I hope I raise a Queen who unfortunately, will know loneliness because those of her kind will be rare in society, but I know she will seek out and find comfort in like minded people.

I know a fair amount of the lessons will come about as me being reactive too. I realize that with parenting. I appreciate what my mother has taught me and what she kept from me, she was doing the best she could and I will do the same. Maybe one day my daughter too will point out what I could’ve taught her but didn’t. And that’s alright.

The whole point of relationships is to learn. My mother has taught me and I have taught her. Lessons I hope we both spread out into the world. 

Lessons of Love. 

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“It’s the foreigners, the homosexuals, the feminists and the satanists”

My people say the most ignorant things without even noticing it. I’m usually the only one who gets offended when certain comments are dropped in conversation because certain stereotypes have become the norm to mention. They are regarded as a universal truth and I find myself dumbfounded when I’m confronted with people who honestly believe what they think of the next race,tribe,gender is the Gospel. 

While visiting someone recently we struck up a conversation about how men tend to feel completely free at home, leaving the gate open while walking around at the back of the house, while a woman would make sure every door in the house is locked, lock herself in her room and spend the whole night on high alert. He responded “Ee..akere a random Zimbo guy might walk in and rape her.” To which I asked, why would he have to be Zimbabwean? 

Understand that this happens all the time in Botswana. All the damn time. Any Motswana who tells you otherwise is a liar. A lot of Batswana are convinced  those from our neighboring country are beneath us. They sneer at them in combis, they’re rude to them in Tswana, a language not all can understand. They judge them, they verbally abuse them and they are downright xenophobic.

Will they ever admit it when you call them out on it? Never. They never even have an excuse.

See, they forget that they came here for work because times were tough in Zim. That most of the time when you see them, they’re working. Most of them don’t have the luxury of being a layabout as my people like to refer to them as. Some say they’re dirty, without considering that they work for most of the day as plumbers, electricians, contractors..Where would you expect them to get the time to be as clean as you’d like them to be? 

The majority of Zimbabwean women I know have stories reminiscent of those I imagine were in The Help. They’re raped by the men of the households they work at and can’t leave because they need the job. I knew a Lady who wasn’t allowed to eat anything but bread and was made to sleep on a floor in the garage with dogs. The family she worked for were seemingly morally correct, humane, progressive thinkers, and yet this is how they treated someone who they regarded as “different”.

At my cousin’s graduation party a few years ago, one of my aunts [those who you don’t really know how you’re related to but, whatever] said to my cousin, who’s the last born in his family, during her speech “Please delay moving out because we don’t want your parents to have to rent out the back to some Zimbabweans.” My two uncles, who’re from Uganda, and myself, were the only ones who flinched. I remember thinking “How can she be so old yet so dumb?” and getting up mid speech and leaving.

Do you understand how you look? Forget that though. Do you understand what you are? Listen. Insert that profound saying about logs, twigs and eyes here.

You guys are spoiled and with a false sense of importance and you know it even if you’ll never say it. Your kids are the ones drunk driving and killing people. They’re the ones  having kids left, right and center for the sake of hosting baby showers. The failure rates at our schools are disgusting. Our water, electricity and food ain’t shit and you still have the confidence to go on and look down upon others? Y’all though.

But no, it isn’t just about the xenophobia here.

It’s comments like “The gays are the reasons I can’t watch TV anymore. They’re everywhere.” and “Kids are failing at school because they’re turning gay”. 

“The feminists that are sprouting up everywhere are the reason why real men are raping. They must be put in their place.” 

“I can’t love nor respect a woman who doesn’t know that her place is beneath me. I’ll beat her into submission.”

“Nna mme ga ise ke mmone a itira monna. Ke tlebe ke batlang mo mosading oo sa itseng gore ke mosadi? Banyana ba Gaborone tlhe lea i’classa. Dilo tse di rata dilo.”

And the “Satanist” stamp that’s thrown around.. People are so silly, my goodness.  It doesn’t occur to them that in the event that someone even is Satanist, it’s a religion as is yours. But no, you’d rather use your internet connection to make an apple appear to be an orange rather than Google the characteristics of oranges wouldn’t you?

I had an experience a while ago whereby my ex attempted to pray for me and accused me of trying to steal his Soul because I went to his house wearing all black. Let me repeat that: Because I was wearing all black.

The ignorance defeats me. I cannot count the number of times I hear someone speak on a a taxi and all I can think is “Why are you like this? And aren’t you ashamed? Don’t you want to know better? Why is this The End for you?”

Ignorance is not bliss. The idiots annoy the shit out of the rest of us who’re trying to know and do better. 

I’m saying, what you’ve been taught is not what is. Is that hard for you to fathom?

I’m saying, you need to read. Learn about the World. Learn about anything and everything.

And lastly, think. Just bloody think.

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Getting Bi

“I don’t understand bisexual people. They’re greedy. Unnatural too. How can you be attracted to both sexes? No. It’s just wrong.”

Every morning I wake up and wish people wouldn’t speak unless they had something worth listening to to say. Every morning I realize people cling on to their ignorance with all they have.

Is it wrong for me to think there’s a slight case of homophobia coming from those who are against bisexual people? Because the issue isn’t that you’re a woman attracted to men, it’s that you’re a woman attracted to men, AND women, or vice versa in the case of bisexual males. 

Personally I’ve always known I was attracted to both sexes. It’s never been taboo to me because growing up I just was, what society told me was right/wrong only really became a factor later on in life and even then, as I reached my teens, I found myself quite resistant to having my desires  placed in a box by people I considered bland.

As I’ve grown I’ve encountered all kinds of people. The “You can’t be bisexual, you’re Black, that’s a White thing” people. The “You probably just want an excuse to be a whore” people.  The “Oh..That’s dope. Call your other friends who’re like you and let’s have a threesome” men, there’s never a shortage of those. And mostly the “No, you’re confused. You just need the right man” people. 

How hard is it to understand that as you love a man, another man loves another man? As you love a woman, another woman loves another woman? What you see in their sex, another of the same sex does too. What is so mind blowing about affection? What about attraction can’t be explained?

I’ve found that it’s harder to be a bisexual male than a female though.  Bisexual females are considered freaks, nymphs. Very few people have an issue with them. Due to the fact that masculinity is basically placed next to Godliness by most people, the moment a male even exhibits any sign of comfort with his desires/habits other men are quick to label him effeminate, and bash him because of his “bitch like” behaviour. I mean, we’re the generation that decided we could determine a person’s sexual orientation by what colour shoes he wears. 

I have very few straight friends. Most of them are either bisexual, gay or lesbian. It’s not that I went and handpicked them based on their sexual orientation, it’s just that they have a better understanding of things, tolerance, they are way more open minded than a lot of the straight people I know and when it comes to the growth process, I’d prefer to have people around me who will understand and reassure when it’s necessary rather than those who will tell me how I “should” be.

I had someone at some point come to me and tell me “You have too many gay friends” to which I responded “You have too many straight friends.” He was rather hostile to all the people I brought around and I figured out why but waited for him to tell me. Eventually he got drunk and tearfully told me he was bisexual, although his attraction to males was stronger than his attraction to females, but was forced to act straight because he feared rejection from his friends, family and fan base [He’s a rapper]. I understood why and I promise you after we discussed it and he realized I was rather uninterested in judging him for the man he is, he was, and still is, noticeably happier. 

I wish a lot of people understood from an early age that most people are simpletons. They do not think because they think it’s not their place to. They do not accept what’s new unless everyone else does and nobody’s ever willing to be the pioneer when they know they will face resistance. People are quick to live by a book written thousands of years ago but will never look into the history of those who actually LIVED thousands of years ago. They don’t want to believe homosexuality predates their religious doctrines. That there were other civilizations other than the ones they write about. It’s too much for them to consider.

There’s nothing unnatural about how you are. Ignorance is unnatural as far as I’m concerned. There is no reason to feel shame for who you are. None. There is no deity who will detest you for being as you are if you believe you’re it’s creation and were made in it’s image. There is no “tolerant, loving” religion that will not let you be. There is nothing new nor different nor unacceptable about you. 

As the saying goes though “there’s nothing new under the sun”. We should accept that there will always be people who will not be willing to let others live as they please, even if it harms no one. There will always be those who will refuse logic and want to live as they’ve been told to. But they have nothing to do with you. Be. Just be. As I like to say, shame is for the ugly. 

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Pro Choice = Anti Life? Bitch, please.

I feel a certain way about being told what to do with my vagina.

I feel a certain way about people imposing their beliefs on me.

I feel a certain way about being judged for making a decision based on what I know and feel.

I feel a certain way about abortion, Life, choice, rights and the government.

While having a conversation with a friend she told me that there’re places that use Dettol antiseptic liquid for abortions. As in, they basically pour that into your vagina and wait for the rest to happen. I know of people who drink water boiled with 5 thebes for this too. Some women use coat hangers, others drink poison. It’s all just a fucking mess.

Now,I’m from Botswana, and here abortion is illegal.  People bring up such issues as It being murder, it being immoral. It’s a child.. If you didn’t want the baby you shouldn’t have had sex..Oh so what if you’re dirt broke and won’t be able to support it? Bring it into the world. So what if you were raped and will possibly hate the child? Bring it into the world.

Because all humans have rights, including those who haven’t seen the light of day, except for women who want to decide what to do with their bodies and their lives.

Listen.

Sex gets messy. Life gets messy. Sometimes, you end up in situations you didn’t bargain for.  We know this.

You believe Life begins the moment the sperm fertilizes the egg, someone else believes it’s when the limbs form and another, when the child is born. We do not think alike, but many are on a bid for us to.

Now, I don’t have an issue with us viewing things differently. I have an issue with people forcing others to be like them and not respecting the fact that they have the right to make their own decisions, as seems to be the norm.

You don’t know nor understand WHY these ladies do as they do. And you don’t seem to understand that in fact, no, abortion is not a luxury. It’s not cute. It’s not like deciding to blow your nose. These women know there’s a baby inside them, a life growing, and choosing to terminate that for whatever reason is NEVER an easy decision to make.

Don’t you think there’s shame at some point,maybe? Indecision? Fear? Guilt?

I think a lot of people throw their judgement around because they think other people lack a conscience. No. We have consciences just as we have rational thoughts and emotions. And you..you are a bunch of cows really.

Being a “Christian” country I assume it’s illegal here for the above stated reasons. Hypocritical leaders are a problem. I promise you, it’s not that THEY don’t get their lovers to abort the children they make, they do..It’s just that making it okay here would anger the people and despite the fact that we know the people never really have a say in shit at the end of the day, we don’t make it happen.

I don’t understand why, to appear morally correct and “fair” to society, you want others to bring children into this world who may be unwanted, may grow up to be abused and will probably lack the things other kids have [affection, resources,etc].

Why force someone to care for something they view as an inconvenience?  You know how people react in situations they don’t like..Plus, in an overpopulated world anyway, where people are starving and shit is just all kinds of fucked u…just, why?

People don’t think. Nor do they respect those who do.

It’s fucked up that a group of people who are only a fraction of our population get to tell us how to live and we think they’re superior to us.

It’s fucked up that there are women dying because a few still wanna hold on to their “morality”.

And the judgement..Is stupid.

The situation is sad.

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Why I’ll never tell my kids to Obey..

“The Bible says you must honour, respect and obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you with many more years..”

Evidently this Lady had gone temporarily deaf when I told her that I am not Christian and did not choose the Bible as a manual on How To Live. No, she hadn’t heard that so I repeated it and she told me one day I’d find God. Like I needed him and my Life is a complete mess. 

But that’s not what got me in a frenzy..

It was the “…obey your parents..and also, all old people are your parents so just do as you’re told and God will bless you..”.

My immediate thought was “Do you know how much damage obeying has done to people? Kids? Society?” I understood why she said what she did. Obeying and following are all she herself knows..But how she could say that with a straight face knowing full and well that we live in the kind of society where people constantly take advantage of the malleable was beyond me.I thought she was ignorant for that. How can you still be telling kids to blindly follow knowing full and well there are more than enough people seeking to harm them?

I made a choice a while ago to never teach my kids that they have to obey anything that doesn’t resonate with their Spirit. To trust their gut instinct whether that means not getting in a car with an aunt or not writing that composition piece in the class with a bullshit title.

I decided I’d rather have a child that makes others uncomfortable because they aren’t easily influenced, and know themselves, are confident within themselves, than another one of the picture perfect kids. 

This was some time after I got tired of hearing the kids with the tragic stories and their reason for ending up in these situations being “He was older and I was scared” or “..Because I was told to.”

The servile walk into Misery and don’t even KNOW they’re there. Why bring my child into the world only to prepare them to be a victim?

I’m saying this with no child to hold..So maybe it’ll be different when I do..

But I doubt it.

Do you understand you’re teaching your child “You have no say in anything and don’t think you do because you are small..There will always be someone better than, bigger than, smarter than you..and you should remain beneath them because there is where your place lies?”

How is that even okay?

I can’t.

Anything that teaches you to NOT be proud of yourself, NOT take responsibility and NOT do as you feel, I’m against. 

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What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, and even YOU are mine

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it…” – Oscar Wilde

 

My friends think I’m anti monogamy.  This could be true. Just a little. I respect people enough to have them make their own decisions, I would just like them to know why they choose to live as they do.

I’ve only seen a handful of happy monogamous relationships. The people I know who are in them are either cheating, miserable or uninterested. It’s all a front. People stay together to be able to say “We’ve been together for 4 years” or because they look good together, sometimes for the simple fact that they don’t want to have to explain why the relationship didn’t work out.

They enter into relationships, but the relationship itself is never about them.

Do you really want to be with one person? Exclusively? 

Chances are,No. You don’t. How many people do you see in a day who you’re attracted to? How many people do you know who you wonder about? Plenty. And the more you realize you are, in a sense, locked up, the easier it will be to begin to resent your partner. Because  as far as you’re concerned, they’re keeping you from all the shit you could be experiencing, and nobody likes to feel stifled.

Most people consider open relationships taboo. Partly because we’ve been led to believe that Love means Ownership. We think that by being in a open/polyamorous relationship, we’re selling ourselves short and fear we in fact will not get the love and attention we deserve. The idea of having more than one partner is appealing when it comes to sexual matters, and even then, only in fantasies, but the idea of a romance is outlandish. Because a person can’t care about more than one person in that way now can they? Can they? And if so, should they?

Why are you in a monogamous relationship? Because you’ve been led to believe that’s the simplest, purest way to show affection for another human being? Self sacrifice? What makes you say “I’m going to ignore all my desires and settle down with you because that’s the right thing to do”?

Says who?

Polygamy and polyamory date back to ancient times. Before intimacy was shameful. Before people began wanting to “Live right” and be possessive. Before we were told God wants us to only have one partner.

Because people don’t communicate in fear of hurting other people, they end up miserable.  The very mention of other people will bring about feelings of inadequacy and tempers are likely to flare. It will be a case of “What? Aren’t I good enough?” as people forget they have their own desires they want to, and are being given the opportunity to explore.  “What will people say? It will look like I can’t handle my relationship”. Meh. 

Your relationship becomes jail and every anniversary a reminder of the sentence you’re serving as So and So’s partner.

I know a lot of people who cheat. It’s not that they don’t care about their partners. They love and respect them. They’re just unable to communicate the fact that they would like to not be exclusive, or  have stated this and got negative reactions.

People are miserable in their “Love”.  Because we’re out here policing other people’s genitals and being insecure and  misunderstanding. I find it amusing when you meet people who are open minded in every aspect of their lives but that one. It’s as if the World can be a part of, and alter, everything else in their lives, but that.

As far as I’m concerned, Love has no boundaries. Not when it comes to who you love, nor when, nor how.  But it took me a while to get to that way of thinking too, so maybe someday soon people will realize.

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