Red Light Special

“Dude, I’m so horny but I’m on my period.”


“What do you mean so?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Eeew. You mean..? No. Eeew.”


What? No really, what is it?

See I could understand being iffy about having sex with another person while on your cycle. It’s not everyone who’s willing to run the red light, so to speak, but what of masturbation? Is it also taboo during that time of the month?


We’re led to believe menstruation is filthy, and well, it isn’t the most glamorous time really.  I can often be found moaning about how it looks like a Spartan battle field down there when it’s particularly bad. However, I no longer feel the shame and emotional discomfort associated with my menstrual cycle.

The Bible tells us a woman on her cycle is “unclean” and to be avoided.

Our mothers treat it as a secret. A cross we must silently carry in our wombs.

Our partners more often than not are grossed out by it. It’s  foreign territory to them that they don’t need to explore, nor acknowledge.

And we take all of this in and internalize it.

We keep the shame, the silence and start to feel that way our own selves.

Is the fact that it’s blood what truly offends people?

Something so normal for any woman, something we will have to  experience for approximately 40 years after reaching puberty, is still considered “disgusting” yet we don’t feel the same of urinating.

Why does your menstrual cycle have to bring about despair and torture?

I mean, you feel bloated, hot flashes, you’re hungry and irritable and you deny yourself the simplest little pleasure you can give yourself too? An orgasm?

The fact is, it is your vagina, your blood, your pleasure.

To love yourself, your vagina and your pleasure, means to be with it through all it’s transformations.

What is the real shame behind pleasuring yourself  whenever you want to?

Is it the blood? Because there are tampons for that.  A shower, tampon applicator and clit rub away lies momentary relief from the vile feeling of discomfort.

Orgasms actually relieve menstrual cramps, and I personally look at them as.. making love to yourself.

So why not make love to yourself when you need it the most?

When you’re feeling disgusting and undesirable?

Wouldn’t that be the best time for said.. comforting?

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Grown women are taught to repress their postpubescent body or hide it. When you start puberty and you start growing hair you’re taught to shave it, because no one’s supposed to see it. With your period, it’s something that you conceal—no one’s supposed to know. It’s almost pedophilic—and I don’t want to throw that word around. But this feminine ideology we have, of the woman being a prepubescent girl, is how we’re taught to change our bodies. – Petra Collins*

*Petra recently designed the above line drawing for American Apparel. An image that caused quite an uproar and has been described as “vile”, “disgusting” and “obscene”.

In an interview with Vice she said “That we’re so shocked and appalled at something that’s such a natural state—and it’s funny that out of all the images everywhere, all of the sexually violent images, or disgustingly derogatory images, this is something that’s so, so shocking apparently. ” It makes one realize, as a society, we’re almost always focused on the wrong thing, huh?


That Pink Matter

Something’s been on my mind for a while now..The Vagina.  I’ve watched mine change since I started having sex and realized,nobody ever discusses the fact that as you grow,and begin to have sex,it changes.

One would be prepared for the internal changes, they are expected,but when your labia begins to elongate,or you watch porn and begin to wonder whether your clit is the right size,these are issues we simply don’t know how to deal with. Who do you discuss this with? It’s one thing to feel fat and talk weight gain with your girls, or breast size, stretch marks, but our vagina is always a taboo topic,and uncomfortable to bring up no  matter how close you are with someone.

For a while I had to wonder,what does the average vagina look like?Is the porn vag [small clit,hairless, nonexistent inner labia] a true depiction of what IS?Or what should be? Is mine normal and if not,what to do about it. I took some time and did some research on the idea of “The Perfect Vagina” and thankfully stumbled upon a documentary that hit the spot,so to speak.

Women across the board are getting surgery just to feel like they have a “normal” vagina. This includes labiaplasty, vaginal muscle tightening, having fat transferred to or from the labia and reducing the size of one’s clit. Now,as insecure as I might be at any point about my Lady,I doubt I  would. I understand though.

Your vagina is the one thing you want to own and adore. That is what defines your womanhood, for many. It is your pride and glory and once you think that that one part of your body,the one that is really YOURS and not on display,may be imperfect,it could crush you. Insecurity ruins one’s sex life. Many women I know have sex in the dark to hide their bodies and even with the lights off,can’t enjoy it because they KNOW why the lights are off. Now with Vaginal Insecurity, even the basics become a chore, if not a little slice of Hell. You think “What if he fingers me and he doesn’t like it?He can’t go down on me, I’m ugly down there..” and eventually,once you’ve crushed yourself enough,sex becomes a threat more than a promise. You begin to resent your vagina because it is not pretty. The same way you might dislike your hips because they’re too wide or your hair because it’s too curly and your vagina becomes another bodily burden. This is the pressure to be perfect and I’m afraid it’s seeped down to our Holy Ground.

I have to wonder,who are we trying to obtain the Perfect Vagina for? Us? If there was nothing to compare it to,would we be all that bothered? Is it for men,for them to find us attractive? To please them and become their perfect porn star?

I asked my male friends and only three of them stated they did NOT, in fact, believe the Perfect Vag existed. The rest? Their description was basically that of a virginal vagina. Understandable I guess because Virgins are thought to be ‘Pure’ and women are always expected to be. But I fear if we DON’T in actual fact discuss this,we will turn against the one thing that the media hasn’t had of ours to drag through the mud yet.

Dr Matlock,a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who is the Go To Guy when it comes to vaginal rejuvenation surgery was quoted in a magazine article as saying women should all aspire to have the perfect [virginal] vagina. This is a man,with a penis,telling US what we should feel and do with ourselves. I was outraged. But then I had to stop and think,they’ve made us believe what our breasts and asses should look like,what made me think our pussies weren’t up next on the list?

Since then I’ve had quite a few sit downs with female friends and have discovered,these are thoughts many women have,we just never discuss it. “I think I have an ugly vagina” is not easy to spew out and so many of us suffer in silence.

It’s a damn shame and I hope once women actually wake up and begin to actually bother loving themselves fiercely through all this bullshit,we’ll be okay. We’ll be happy.